Rubber Ducky

Herbal roasted duck at JB is a sensation that you would want to have once in a while... =)

This is going to be a boring and long grumpy entry as I guess I am troubled and frustrated. My only joy is totally found outside my workplace...which I don't feel right about having such feelings in me too. What is God's purpose for me in my work I am already lost in the maze. My mind is all about finding the exit now.

I have no idea why I put that title for this entry anyway.

Perhaps is because of the delicious herbal duck (but super lousy services) I ate yesterday...

Or perhaps I just wish to be a rubber ducky that keeps floating on the surface of the water.

Because the feeling I am feeling now just keep sinking and suffocating my mind to think further...

#1: Working in the office

Let's just put it this way...I am TRYING hard to work in the office. I have totally lost interest in auditing and now I am just waiting for the day I can hand in my resignation letter to the HR. It is really tough if you are stuck in a place you dislike most...and it is a place I need to face daily for 5 days every week! Try to imagine yourself in that position and you must just feel how fast the energy can be drained out from you in that way. Honestly, I am not trying to discourage anyone about work here but you really to find a job that you would enjoy...and that's just not for me now...

What's more depressing recently is that I realise how many people had quitted the job lately...especially the significant number of people who are willing to pay the penalty to terminate their contract before the 2-years term! And this is also when I realise we were all contracted on a different basis for our penalty fee. Some needs to pay 50% of the remaining total salaries that they can earn before the contract expires...while some needs to pay 3 months' salaries regardless of when you want to quit the job. Has penalty payment just become part of the companies income too? I really want to know how much a company can earn from this "other operating income"...hmmm....

Oh well, but if you have a boss like Mr Y in your office, honestly you don't need any other enemies in your life. He is just the most arrogant, rude and sarcastic person I can ever find. I just hope that one day he will understand that even being in the top managerial level doesn't entitle him to be rude and even throw files at someone else's face (fortunately not mine)! Respect needs to be built up and earn through the heart of the other person...which is never to be gained through demanding and harsh commands!

#2: Standard Chartered Marathon 2008

Troubled because I am still pondering on the thought of signing up for the Standard Chartered Marathon this year. I have missed it last year due to my CFA exam. And this year there is an uncertainty floating as I will be away for another mission trip (to Skudai) just the next day and I am not sure if I will be free on that Sunday for any preparation work.

Moreover, because of my hesitation about whether to sign up for half or full marathon, I just realised I have already passed all the early bird stages and now I am down to the normal no-discount period! Sigh... =X

Yet, what is drawing me to signing it up is that they would have a S$50 rebate if you sign up for their credit card (yes I am looking for a credit card to sign up) or opening a e$Saver account (no min balance nor deposit required anyway). That just means that if I signed up for the half-marathon, I just need to pay S$15 only! That's like the cheapest race for the longest distance I had signed up this year. Gosh...am I drawn to the run for a totally absurd reason after all??? Hmmmm......

#3: I feel slumpy

How to phrase this?

I want to sleep but I can't even when I am so tired at night.

I want to read books but I will push it away when it landed on my hands as though it is a bomb.

I want to tidy up the house but whenever I start doing it I will end up simply moving the mess from one side of the house to another.

Gosh...how lazy I am! In fact, I feel worse than that...like I am living a life in the slump?!

NO I NEED TO DISCIPLINE MYSELF!!!

I need to follow my planned schedule: to wake up in the morning to pray and jog regularly.

I need to tidy up my house before my dad's arrival end of this month!

I shall not make myself looks like a panda anymore! (Gosh the dark circles are getting more clear than ever...)

Perhaps I should start planning and saving up for my future right after Aug 2009...1 year should be good to have a new and fresh beginning. =)

#4: XXXX

Now I really need to rethink about it. And perhaps I am not ready yet...or am I? Honestly, the temptation is huge for me to sidetrack again. But I want and I am closer to God this time, I finally know what he wants to give me in this area. As I look back now, it is all the same in the past. How the devil would arrange the same arrangement whenever I run back to God. This time when I learn and decide to shift my focus on God, he appears like those stories in the dramas. But I am not going to fall for it this time. I know all I need now is to trust in His plan and also prepared myself well before I can receive that gift. For if I stay the same, the result will not change and I will not enjoy it either. I need to mature, and learn to have those qualities that I have set on him as well as on myself too...

If you believe, the things you pray for will come over time. I never know what I really want until I pray for those signs. And I believe that is the rhema for me in this area. Now looking at those 3 points, he only fits into one of them...especially not the most important basic criteria. So I will tell myself to move on and prepare my heart for the destined one. And about the others? They should just stay as small thrills in my life now...if it is yours, it will still be yours for the time to come...yeah...hehe...lol

Perhaps I just can't grumble for too long, after all these, I guess the only gift I am sure God has entrusted into my life is the positive thinking that I would have over the things in my life. I grumble now coz it makes me feel so much better. I still believe in His plan and his purpose for me. Just that sometimes we baffled for a while as we left the keys to these doors somewhere and we need to look for it to retrieve them before we can open and see what's behind those doors again...