Left: Pamela's 21st birthday party at Boat Quay Mind's CafeSunday...a day I will enjoy most as it starts off with a great morning rejoicing in God's word. This week praise & worship is led by Reuben Morgan & the whole worship session is fantastic! Sadly, he only sings two of his songs from his album...I would have expected more of it though...haiz...
After the normal service, there is a special ministry for all those who need to be prayed for. Actually I wanted to go there ever yesterday (but I have to go for my friend Yanning's birthday party after). I really need prayers & the strength from the Lord to overcome my own depression for the past few weeks. Many things had happened in my life and it was so hard to forgive myself for except to keep on blaming myself for my own mistakes. But yet I remeber the lyrics of a song that keep ringing in my head :"My Jesus I called your name; You're broken for all my pain..." Everytime I thought about this verse I would tear, really cry whenever I am...who can be more sad than me when I keep on blaming myself for the mistakes I had made? No one but Jesus...
When I go forward to wait to be prayed for, my mind was like a video player, reeling out the scenes of my past...the past that I am so often wished that I could turn back time to change, memories of the black hole that is deep within me...I didn't manifest like many others but I can't stop myself from crying like a baby...how much more pain can I take in my life? Sometimes I wonder why God places some of my friend to be appeared to be at a 'better' life than anyone else, a life that everything will go so smoothly for that person. I do envy them and wonder what can I do to exchange for such life?
But then I remember from what I learn in church is that God have a plan for us even before we were born in this world. No matter what kind of life we are leading, He certainly has his purpose for it to be there in our life, regardless of times of happiness, sadness... We have to have faith in God and good things will certainly happen to us. Doesn't there a quote that says "Good things are worth waiting for?" When I know a chapter of my life is closed now, I look forward to the next chapter and the next one and the next...I am certainly still struggling with certain issues in my life (sorry but I can't share it here) but I know I will move on from now as I know I will never be alone...I know You are always there for me Lord even when I stay away from you... Being strong is never easy but I know I have you by my side and giving me the strength that I need... I love you so much and I will live the way you want me to be from now on...never ever to be apart from you again...
"In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
-- Eph 4:26-27
2 comments:
Yo! great stuff here..glad you could find an outlet for your frustrations and someth your friends can know what you are thinking about. Remember that the grass always looks greener on e other side, and that you are already the best person you can be for God; yourself! He din create you do be some1 else! haha..Take care friends! SmileZ
Actually i got blog last time too but never really keep it up. Now I guess I will enjoy to have a place here where I know I can keep a record of my life and read back at those moments that may leave an impact in my future. Haha...cheers! :)
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