I had some thinking to do today at my strategice management class today. Dr Daniel Simon posed a question for us to think about:
There is one child playing on the disused railway track while there is a group of children playing on the used railway track. There is a train approaching. You are at the railway track interchange point. Would you change the railway track and let the train used the disused track and sacrifice the lone child to save the group of children? Or would you do nothing about it and sacrifice the group of children?
I found this question pretty tricky. Most of the people would choose to divert the train and sacrifice the lone child to save the group of children. This is a common view as to save more people the better.
But there are a few of us who choose to ignore it and let the train continue its way. I was one of them.
One of the reasons to do so is that the children who are playing on the used railway already knows that it is dangerous to play there and that they should be more alert than any others as they know the danger they are involved in. So they should be aware of the approaching train and they will made their escape from it. Moreover, they have the responsibility to take care of themselves as they know the consequences of what they may get.
Have you ever thought why the child would choose to play by himself on the disused track instead of joining the rest of the group on the used track? Well, that child is smart and he is well aware of the risks that are involved. Hahaha...maybe the saying about the smart ones can survive is really true after all? This is pretty applicable to our daily work. If you are the boss, would you choose to keep an effective and efficient worker or to keep a group of workers who are not productive? Well, this reason seems harsh but it sounds really like the reality world that we live in isn't it? Haiz...
But the most important reason I want to highlight on is that you have to consider the reason for the disused track: WHY is the track not in use in the first place? It is highly possible that this railway track is dangerous to use and if you change the track, there is high possibility that the passengers on the train will be in danger. You might have saved the group of children but you might also have sacrificed the whole train of passengers! It is truly not easy to make a decision too...lol
After hearing all this, I thought of one thing:
The right decision is not always popular; and the popular decision is not always right.
True enough...how many decisions we make in our life are right? At least I believe, through God, you might not 100% always make the right decision too...but I know you will be much minise on the wrong mistakes you make. Thank God I found you.
"Your decision should be God's decision for you. It may not be a popular decision, but it certainly will not be the wrong decision too...yeah...lol"
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
The importance of a prayer meeting
Like this picture...taken it by myself...hahaha...cute hor? lol *DISCLAIMER: This picture is NOT me!!! :P*
Thank God I was at service once again. Feeling a bit dry spiritually lately as the workload piles up higher and higher and the exam is less than 3 weeks from now. 16 Nov 2006. I will remember this day for my first paper.
Don't really want to go into details again on what I had learnt this morning. More like a few things that Kong Hee says have a much deeper impact on me. He describes to us about how scientists predicted the depletion of some of our natural resources a few years and yet more of that natural resources are being discovered soon after. This just shows how God gives us in abundance as He has promised us.
Indeed, there is NOTHING lack in this world. The only thing that is lack here is our faith, our hope, our dreams and our visions. This is when we no longer see God.
The process of harvesting is always from Seeding --> Sowing --> Harvesting. Just got to remember: Harvest DON"T come immediately. The saying always goes like this: "You will reap what you sow." -- and what separates them is TIME.
1) Pledge with a right attitude.
2) Pledge out of something you know you have.
3) Pledge an amount that touches you deeply.
I know God has spoken to me the amount. But...can I really make it to what I pledge? I couldn't give a confidence answer right now. I believe in God that He will give in abundance...so how much faith do I have? I guess that is the most important question I need to answer. Kong says that the amount should be something that you already have, and even an amount that will move you to tears as you give. True that it is more than I thought I would...but...move to tears?! I kinda confuse with the meaning of a cheerful giver now. Someone can justified me with this? Haiz...
Really didn't want to stay for the prayer meeting initially. Feeling tired and exhausted and distracted by my work. Yet Jaz reminded Weng to make sure all those without valid reasons should stay for it. But thank God I did. After praying for 15 minutes in the spirits, I feel much alive. I can feel His presence once again and the new strength He gave me. All that reluctance, that tireness was removed and I feel glad to be there. Thank God I was there.
Never give up on going to cell group meetings, prayer meeting and services. God will speak to you if you persist to attend them. That's when God will give you a new strength in your life that you need. He knows everything. I knelt down as I feel bad for the thoughts that I have, to escape from all these things. It reminds me of the things I told Him back then when I just got to CHC. Exam period is always a period of time when I feel dry and have the reluctance to go to church. Studies and myself seems to occupy too much space in my heart. Feel selfish once again. Thank God for reminding me. I will never want to be apart from you ever agian. :)
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." ~ Psalms 126:5
Friday, October 27, 2006
2nd interview + cell group meeting + Happy Birthday Joanne! :D
I had my 2nd interview @ Ng, Lee & Associates - DFK today. They accepted me and I was given one month's time to reply them if I still want the job. Thank God for this opportunity given. Somehow I still want to try for Big 4 now and see how things go ba before I make my final decision. Haiz...troubled... :
Today cell group was @ the iCON Building again. Bought the cake for Joanne before heading down to the meeting....hahaha...all chocolate again lo...lol The message was about "Building a life with God's glory". Briefly to say, there are 5 things that will happen when the heaven door is opened in our life: 1) We get dreams & visions in order to achieve great things in our life; 2) When we have dreams, the Holy Spirit can then move freely in our bodies; 3) God's power will be there with us when the heaven door is opened; 4) Righteouness will pour down and you will find yourself surrounded with the righteous people; and lastly 5) Financial blessing will also come ready for us so that we will have them in abundance.
However, there are always things in our life that will close this heaven door from us and prevent us from entering heaven:
1) Pride: God hated this sin the most as he had said it in Lev 26:19 "I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze." Sin is spelled S-I-N...do you realise that the middle word 'I' was in it? 'I' was in the middle of sin and that's when you thought of yourself only: I, me and myself. Pride is a self-decoration for ourselves and we will tend to push God away as we tell Him we no longer need Him in our lives. Remember the devil's favourite words: "Leave me alone."
2) Spiritual complacency: When you are complacent, you will no longer hunger for God's words & you will just stay at where you are since you stop desiring for Him. One of the example character in the bible is Eli (1 Samuel). Eli became complacent and spiritually sloppy.
3) Ignoring the poor: Remember that Jesus came to preach not just to the rich but to the poor.
4) Habitual deliberate sinning: God will forgive our sins only when we confess them to Him. Psalms 66:18 "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened." If we never confess our sins, we are cherishing them in our hearts and it shows that we have no intention to correct ourselves from these sins...how can God forgive you in that way if you will continue to sin again deliberately?!
5) Not tithing nor giving: Tithing is giving our life to God. Bless are those who give...
So all these remind us that in order for us to succeed in the market place, we need to walk in humility, spiritually hungry for God, need to care for the needy, walk & live in the holiness and be a tither and generous giver. Yup yup...Amen. :)
And lastly, we celebrated Joanne's birthday @ the end of the cell group. Glad to see her enjoying it...lol Made a little card for her which I hope she likes too...hahaha...Happy Birthday gal and enjoy your weekends ba...yeah...lol
"Next week is my turn to prepare for the refreshments for cell le...anyone has any idea what to eat or what you want to eat? :P Hahaha....or else better don't complain manz...hahaha...lol"
Today cell group was @ the iCON Building again. Bought the cake for Joanne before heading down to the meeting....hahaha...all chocolate again lo...lol The message was about "Building a life with God's glory". Briefly to say, there are 5 things that will happen when the heaven door is opened in our life: 1) We get dreams & visions in order to achieve great things in our life; 2) When we have dreams, the Holy Spirit can then move freely in our bodies; 3) God's power will be there with us when the heaven door is opened; 4) Righteouness will pour down and you will find yourself surrounded with the righteous people; and lastly 5) Financial blessing will also come ready for us so that we will have them in abundance.
However, there are always things in our life that will close this heaven door from us and prevent us from entering heaven:
1) Pride: God hated this sin the most as he had said it in Lev 26:19 "I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze." Sin is spelled S-I-N...do you realise that the middle word 'I' was in it? 'I' was in the middle of sin and that's when you thought of yourself only: I, me and myself. Pride is a self-decoration for ourselves and we will tend to push God away as we tell Him we no longer need Him in our lives. Remember the devil's favourite words: "Leave me alone."
2) Spiritual complacency: When you are complacent, you will no longer hunger for God's words & you will just stay at where you are since you stop desiring for Him. One of the example character in the bible is Eli (1 Samuel). Eli became complacent and spiritually sloppy.
3) Ignoring the poor: Remember that Jesus came to preach not just to the rich but to the poor.
4) Habitual deliberate sinning: God will forgive our sins only when we confess them to Him. Psalms 66:18 "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened." If we never confess our sins, we are cherishing them in our hearts and it shows that we have no intention to correct ourselves from these sins...how can God forgive you in that way if you will continue to sin again deliberately?!
5) Not tithing nor giving: Tithing is giving our life to God. Bless are those who give...
So all these remind us that in order for us to succeed in the market place, we need to walk in humility, spiritually hungry for God, need to care for the needy, walk & live in the holiness and be a tither and generous giver. Yup yup...Amen. :)
And lastly, we celebrated Joanne's birthday @ the end of the cell group. Glad to see her enjoying it...lol Made a little card for her which I hope she likes too...hahaha...Happy Birthday gal and enjoy your weekends ba...yeah...lol
"Next week is my turn to prepare for the refreshments for cell le...anyone has any idea what to eat or what you want to eat? :P Hahaha....or else better don't complain manz...hahaha...lol"
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Sisters day out @ my house... :)
Joanne & I :P
Joanne, me & Deanna's sister :)
Deanna, Shu Hui & aka!:)Yesterday was Hari Raya, the celebration of new year for the Malays. It is special to me this year as Shu Hui, Daph and I organise a small sisters' outing @ my house in Punggol. Really great to see people coming to my house as it is pretty empty most of the time. Daph and Shu Hui had prepared wonderful garlic breads (garlic spread is from Jack's Place sia! :D) and Deanna...the very delicious curry chicken (not too spicy so I can eat lo...yeah! lol). Hahaha...lol
By the programme we are supposed to play Monopoly at my house but we ended up watching 4 episodes of Goong Princess Hours continuously for 4 hours!!! :o Hahaha...but we also had a great time laughing our heads off as the hilarious drama together. I really enjoy this kind of fellowhip manz...woohoo...lol
At night Ying Xia and I met up with Weng and Katherine to play pool. I played only two games and I fell asleep on the sofa le...hahaha...slept till bout 11pm when the others wanted to leave...oh well, wasted one pool session lo...haiz...but then I juz can't help falling asleep...piggish for once ba...hahaha...lol
Today I am happy as I received my 2nd call for interview by DFK Ng, Lee & Associates. The interveiw is tomorrow @ 4pm and I am excited about it too. For this company I had sent all my transcript and I am glad my poor academice results are not affected for them to select me for an interview. Thank God once again for the morale booster you gave me and to give me confidence for my own self. Thank you and I do hope to shine in the marketplace one day too...jia you yo Christine! :P
"Forgot to take photos @ my house...haiz...so only left with those taken on the NEL train...enjoy! :P"
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Crazy over Goong Princess Hours!!! :D
Oh gosh I am getting crazy over this korean drama, Goong Princess Hours!!! :) Watching the full drama the second time now (feel sorry for my VCD player as it is going to overwork soon...lol) Hahaha...this is the best love comedy ever! :P Oh man...I love the Princess Shin Chae Gyung! :P Hahaha...I guess no one will get sick of the classic fairy tale stories somehow ba...she is just so adorable! :P Hahaha...lol
Guess the enjoyment of the show is beyond my description...anyone interested in watching pls grab one VCD yourself ba...it is all worth it manz! lol Hahaha...alright I should go do my work too (Ooops! :P) Hahaha...enjoy it manz...the royal entertainment...*wink* :P
Friday, October 20, 2006
Do you dare to dream?
Made 2 cards for Yingz and Steph coz they have been working too much and stress over their studies le. I just hope they are coping well and all that. And notice behind is my new treasure: Princess Hours VCD! Hahaha...can't get enough of it... :P
Steph ordered Hawaiian baked pasta...but oh well it turns out to be very very much...cheesy...lol
Me posing with my 'Destiny Child'...lol Do I look like a professional in that suit? :P
And this is Ying Wah!!! My bestest friend for over the past 8 years and still counting. She's the greatest girl a guy would wish to have...so Eugene you are lucky! :P (Wah says my eyes too small for the 1st picture so I open my eyes super big in the 2nd one...hahaha...she says it will make people laugh lo...really ar?! :o hee hee...lol)I am very tired now as today is quite a long day for me. Yet I couldn't sleep at all last night...probably due to the excitement I got from the news of my interview and the anticipation to fill up all my application forms. Hahaha...lol And I am addicted to Princess Hours! (A korean love comedy between a rebellious but cute and kind average girl who was married to the cool, arrogance crown prince by the order of their grandfathers. Will the forced marriage bring two different people to fall in love for each other? :P) Hahaha...yup so I am chasing after the episodes now! And I strongly recommend this great show lo coz this is the 2nd korean drama that I watched...I am not really a great fan of them like many others those...pretty selectively and picky on choosing the shows to watch... :P
Went to do project this morning and to hand in my risk management report finally. Then I went back to get changed and head for my interview. Gee I really don't like to put on make up much and to dress up formally and all that. Thought I would reach there 15 minutes earlier but in the end I just make it on time. I handover my application to the receptionist and she led me to a small room and wait. The interview was then conducted by 2 seniors, asking me the usual questions such as why I choose this firm and if I had sent in my forms to the Big 4 as well.
The interview is slightly different as they prompted me to ask more about the company instead. Thank God for yesterday night networking as I learned about the same old questions that we asked the seniors during the talk. So I passed through that well and let myself know much more about LTC once again. :) Hahaha...and ended up they offer me the job! *yeah* :D The only trouble for me now is that they would wish to hear from my reply as soon as next week. Contract will only be signed one month prior to my actual start of my work. And I need to consider this as I know for the Big 4, the shortlisted candidates will only be asked for interviews during Nov...I really not sure if I should go for my dream now...will I stand my chance in the Big 4? Coz entering any one of them is my goal still. But I thank God for the job offer as I finally gained back the confidence I had for myself. Thank God that I can proudly tell people that I finally have one job offer now...lol
After the interview I met up with Shu Hui for bible study...our final lesson! lol Hahaha...should I be happy or should I be sad about it? :P But yup the lesson was on prosperity in our life...kinda collides with our church arise & build now...faith. And after my bible study, I went to meet Steph & Ying Wah...the two great girlfriends in my life for the past 6-8 years?! lol I miss them lots...really juz so happy to see the two of them. We chat about our current lifes, our studies and what we learned as we study about the same things now, and also we share our cooking tips. Hahaha...next time we should really have a cheesecake-making session together ya? *hugz* :) Even as we ate the NYDC baked pasta, we discussed how the baked pasta is cooked coz if you never put enough sauce in it, the pasta will get dry. Thanks for these wonderful girls...lol
We shopped around before we called it a day. Sigh...I wonder how long will I get to see them again...all the best and we will strive for excellence together ya? *grinz* :)
"You will never sense fulfillment in life unless you reach the goal of being yourself."
Thursday, October 19, 2006
INTERVIEW!!! :D
Hahaha...THANK GOD coz today I received the BEST news ever: I GOT A JOB INTERVIEW!!! :D Hahaha...this is my great testimony for the day man...yeah! lol Coz the most amazing thing is that this firm, LTC & Associates, is the firm that I sent my cover letter wrongly to as I forgot to change the attched file from my previous email before sending over to the firm. I was pretty disappointed coz I thought I would have already lost my chance for an interview from this firm already. But...God has proven to me otherwise! Instead, all these days I was feeling so depressed and down and low self-confidence, God finally answered my prayer and He sees what I need: my morale and confidence booster for myself. So here it is! This is my first REAL future job interview! :D Even if this interview will not work out in the end, or even I may not be able to get the job or what, this HAS already been the BEST morale and confidence booster for me! :D He lets me know that I am capable of earning a job in my area of study and gives me my morale booster...THANK YOU FATHER once again!!! :)
But sad is that I can't share this piece of good news immediately to my cell group members today as I can't attend my cell group meeting juz now as I got my Big 4 Networking Night. But don't worry guys, I WILL share this piece of good news to you all next week coz this is my testimony for His great things done upon me! lol Hahaha.... :D
And talk about the Big 4 Networking Night, there is another good news as the spokeperson who represent the Big 4 firms told us that they are recruiting for like 750 fresh graduates this year! This is really something great to hear about coz NTU Accountancy course only produce like 600 graduates lo...even plus the SMU people and the overseas students...we juz slightly more than 800 per batch! And this is just Big 4 only! Haha...there are still banks, finance companies and many other accouting firms are recruiting people too...so there IS a chance! A pretty high chance even if you don't screw up your studies...lol YEAH! :)
And I really want to thank God for letting me going for this talk coz I really learn a lot more about my career prospects by now, the difference between the 4 firms (which is really not much of a difference) and where or which area I know I would want to venture into. I was feeling really nervous at the beginning of the talk, like I AM already getting myself into some kind of interview like that, coz this is the BIG 4 talk! *stress* But I will just try to apply anyway and see what I will get in the end. I know those who have their PA in these firms have already gotten their job offers but to me, like the interview I got for tomorrow, I am thankful for God to have given me this chance and I WILL treasure this chance that I have and prove to myself that I am capable to shine in the marketplace one day...lol
So right now I will be busy filling out all the application forms, checking them in details and praying once again for another miracles to work on me...hahaha...and of coz to prepare myself well enough and excel in my exam for this semester...YIPPEEE! *grinz* :)
"You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance." ~ Psalm 65:11
But sad is that I can't share this piece of good news immediately to my cell group members today as I can't attend my cell group meeting juz now as I got my Big 4 Networking Night. But don't worry guys, I WILL share this piece of good news to you all next week coz this is my testimony for His great things done upon me! lol Hahaha.... :D
And talk about the Big 4 Networking Night, there is another good news as the spokeperson who represent the Big 4 firms told us that they are recruiting for like 750 fresh graduates this year! This is really something great to hear about coz NTU Accountancy course only produce like 600 graduates lo...even plus the SMU people and the overseas students...we juz slightly more than 800 per batch! And this is just Big 4 only! Haha...there are still banks, finance companies and many other accouting firms are recruiting people too...so there IS a chance! A pretty high chance even if you don't screw up your studies...lol YEAH! :)
And I really want to thank God for letting me going for this talk coz I really learn a lot more about my career prospects by now, the difference between the 4 firms (which is really not much of a difference) and where or which area I know I would want to venture into. I was feeling really nervous at the beginning of the talk, like I AM already getting myself into some kind of interview like that, coz this is the BIG 4 talk! *stress* But I will just try to apply anyway and see what I will get in the end. I know those who have their PA in these firms have already gotten their job offers but to me, like the interview I got for tomorrow, I am thankful for God to have given me this chance and I WILL treasure this chance that I have and prove to myself that I am capable to shine in the marketplace one day...lol
So right now I will be busy filling out all the application forms, checking them in details and praying once again for another miracles to work on me...hahaha...and of coz to prepare myself well enough and excel in my exam for this semester...YIPPEEE! *grinz* :)
"You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance." ~ Psalm 65:11
Sleepless?! Watch this cute kitten lo... :P
Sweet Tired Cat
I watched this one while I can't sleep. Hahaha...a bit irony to my "sleepless problem" lo... :P But that kitty is super adorable! lol Oh...I love kittens! :D
I watched this one while I can't sleep. Hahaha...a bit irony to my "sleepless problem" lo... :P But that kitty is super adorable! lol Oh...I love kittens! :D
Finally...I JOGGED! :D
Our little rewards...homemade iced lemon tea & iced horlick...YIPPEE!!! lol
*shagged looks* :PHahaha...after weeks and weeks and weeks.....and weeks of hibernation in my room, I FINALLY JOGGED! lol Hahaha...the joy you get from jogging is FANTASTIC!!! :D Yeah...all thanks to my lovely, healthy neighbour Hanjie who asks me to jog with her...YIPPEE! :P Hahaha...it makes me feel that a part of my fat is finally burnt into energy as I jogged the 179 route (approx 2 km?!) Haha...though the distance is short short one...but that's a good enough start for me. Oh I tell you it is even the best to have a partner (Hanjie) who jog with you and keep smiling saying "Shiok!" as she JUST started jogging...really a morale booster...lots to learn from you gal! :D
Oh before I forgot, I must introduce to you my this sweet neighbour, Hanjie! :D She's a very sweet girl...diligent, caring, discipline and super healthy! Hahaha...lol It's my blessing to have her as my neighbour coz she will often offer me some of her fruits and help me buy my dinner when she is outside. And to appreciate her, I will help her buy her favourite sunflower seeds bun from BreadTalk whenever I am coming back from outside too! She don't eat a lot of fast food and if you ask her to share the McDelivery with you, she'll order the salad or apple pie...super healthy lo! Hahaha...and she'll make sure she eat veggie daily in her meals...and she'll try her best to jog in the early morning before school (that's why I can't join her so often because I can't wake up that early...lol). Hahaha...Thank God for this wonderful neighbour for my final year in NTU!
Hahaha...realise God has always given me someone so disciplined always during my first year and my final year in NTU. During my Year 1 that time is my roommate Angela who is also another good student model we can learn: Do her quiet time in the morning, study in the afternoon, go exercise in the evening, study a while more at night, then chat on MSN or relax and have fun just befre she sleeps. Hahaha...is this something God wants me to learn and to do? Coz I know out of the 9 fruits that He offers us, "Self-control" is the my weakest link. Hahaha...YES father I got your hint....hahaha...I'll work towards my fruit and make it fruitful ya? :P
Anyway, our jog is great but then it didn't help us that much in keeping fit. Coz at the end of it, we decided to go for a little drink at Ah Fang to treat ourselves for the jog...lol Hahaha...so I ordered my iced lemon tea and she ordered her ice horlick. I was so happy that I finished my drink in a nick of time and I thought of ordering for another glass. But man...that aunty was sooo RUDE! Coz when I bought the drink she took those half-filled glasses from the shelf and just put ice into them. I don't really like it coz I am afraid of getting tummyache as I wouldn't know how long the drinks are left there and if there is any flies gotten into them. So when I bought the 2nd glass, I asked for a fresh cup instead. To my surprise, she refused and said she MUST serve finish those left on the shelf ones before she can pour from the tumbler. And the worst thing is that she asked me to go away if I don't like it lo...haiyo...what kind of attitude manz?! *puke* :( Don't ever ask me to buy from her for a long time k...haiz...but thank God I saved my $1 on that drink oso...hahaha...treat myself for a can of 100Plus instead from the vending machine downstair...YEAH! :)
Hahaha...so there goes another great day for me...hahaha...now I'm still considering for the trekking trip with cell group on Sat (Sat is reserved as my mugging day). Weng asked me to go as he said it is rare to have such gatherings. Hahaha..thanks brother but let me consider. Exam is in less than a month's time now and all the recruitment drives are motivating me to produce the best results I can give before no one wants to hire me lo...hahaha...really feeling the stress le...haiz...God...what would you do? Please guide me... *pray* :o
"Key #1 to Financial Excellence (by Phil Pringle):
The ways of God are vastly different to the ways of man.
~ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8) ~ "
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
I am a worry wart...
I think I am worrying too much these days. My job application, my exams, my friendships...what the heck?! Rubbish thoughts I have...and things will only turn bad if this is to continues. God pls guide me and let me stay in peace. Haiz...
I miss everyone...*sobz* :(
"If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie here with me and just forget the world?"
Above is the chorus for the song "Chasing cars" by Snow Patrol. I was watching the show "Gray's Antomy" and there was a scene where the girlfriend (or wife) lie next to a dying patient as he said his last few words. The girl was describing their wonderful past happy memories to him, putting them down in small little details. The guy was struggling to speak and after he managed to let out his last few words, the long dreading "Doooo...." sound came out of the heartbeating machine (I forgot what is the machine called le). Then they played this part of the song:
"If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie here with me and just forget the world?"
I cried immediately. I was touched. The girl just did what the song sang and lie next to the man she loved and happily sending him off his final journey. You know what is the happiest thing in your life? To me, I believe is to lie next to the ones you love and simply enjoy in your own private world, where there is no stress, no worries, no competition from this world.
The scene brought me back to think of God. He is the one I know I can always find comfort in when He is by my side. When you can lie next to another person and there is no trouble, no worries and simply peace in your heart, it shows how much this person means to you and how comfortable you can be with this person. This person certainly holds some place in your heart.
And suddenly I started to miss all my friends and my family. I miss my dearest friend Brian and I wonder how he is doing in US at this moment of time. I miss my girlfriends, Wah Wah and Steph, and I wonder how come Friday seems such a long way to come before I can see them again. I miss my mummy and daddy in China and I wonder how they are doing there...is daddy stress or overwork again? Has mummy found her job there? Are they having a good time together and having their honeymoon? Are they staying healthy and eat the right stuffs (especially mummy who loves to eat the roadside stalls...haiz...and I have inherited this hobby from her too... :P) I miss my cousin Sarah in NZ...I haven't seen her for years and I wonder how they are now. I even miss my cell group sisters and brothers: Shu Hui (I miss the bible study and the chats that we had before BS); Belle (I miss the long walks after cell group when we can chat our hearts out); Weng and Kat (I miss having breakfast and playing pool with you guys). I simply miss every one of my friends who holds a place in my heart (now I wonder how big is my heart...hahaha...lol).
These few days I realise many things that come across me seems to be reminding me to treasure those who are dear to me around. Maybe it's the exam period time that I usually start to shut myself out in my room and start to lose touch with these people. Haha...my post-exam-stress sydrome I guess... :P I think I never appreciate them that much...but never be late to show your appreciation before it is REALLY too late.
To all my friends: I miss all of you and hope everyone is doing fine. Take care ya? *hugz* :)
"Reminder: We are products of God but not of this world. Seek God first always and yes we will find comfort and forget about the world when we lie next to Him."
If I just lay here,
Would you lie here with me and just forget the world?"
Above is the chorus for the song "Chasing cars" by Snow Patrol. I was watching the show "Gray's Antomy" and there was a scene where the girlfriend (or wife) lie next to a dying patient as he said his last few words. The girl was describing their wonderful past happy memories to him, putting them down in small little details. The guy was struggling to speak and after he managed to let out his last few words, the long dreading "Doooo...." sound came out of the heartbeating machine (I forgot what is the machine called le). Then they played this part of the song:
"If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie here with me and just forget the world?"
I cried immediately. I was touched. The girl just did what the song sang and lie next to the man she loved and happily sending him off his final journey. You know what is the happiest thing in your life? To me, I believe is to lie next to the ones you love and simply enjoy in your own private world, where there is no stress, no worries, no competition from this world.
The scene brought me back to think of God. He is the one I know I can always find comfort in when He is by my side. When you can lie next to another person and there is no trouble, no worries and simply peace in your heart, it shows how much this person means to you and how comfortable you can be with this person. This person certainly holds some place in your heart.
And suddenly I started to miss all my friends and my family. I miss my dearest friend Brian and I wonder how he is doing in US at this moment of time. I miss my girlfriends, Wah Wah and Steph, and I wonder how come Friday seems such a long way to come before I can see them again. I miss my mummy and daddy in China and I wonder how they are doing there...is daddy stress or overwork again? Has mummy found her job there? Are they having a good time together and having their honeymoon? Are they staying healthy and eat the right stuffs (especially mummy who loves to eat the roadside stalls...haiz...and I have inherited this hobby from her too... :P) I miss my cousin Sarah in NZ...I haven't seen her for years and I wonder how they are now. I even miss my cell group sisters and brothers: Shu Hui (I miss the bible study and the chats that we had before BS); Belle (I miss the long walks after cell group when we can chat our hearts out); Weng and Kat (I miss having breakfast and playing pool with you guys). I simply miss every one of my friends who holds a place in my heart (now I wonder how big is my heart...hahaha...lol).
These few days I realise many things that come across me seems to be reminding me to treasure those who are dear to me around. Maybe it's the exam period time that I usually start to shut myself out in my room and start to lose touch with these people. Haha...my post-exam-stress sydrome I guess... :P I think I never appreciate them that much...but never be late to show your appreciation before it is REALLY too late.
To all my friends: I miss all of you and hope everyone is doing fine. Take care ya? *hugz* :)
"Reminder: We are products of God but not of this world. Seek God first always and yes we will find comfort and forget about the world when we lie next to Him."
Monday, October 16, 2006
The stupidest mistake I have ever made
Haiz...I feel so stupid now. The whole of today I was busy preparing my resume, cover letter and all the documents that I need to send out for the application of the job in the different accounting firms that I am interested in working for. And up till now, I am not even finish sending half of them. Haiz...and just imagine I haven't even eaten anything up to now...and I guess I really don't bother le coz I don't want to lose this rhythme too...or else the process of my work will be slowed down...ha...
Then the worst thing of the day is that I sent the wrong cover letter to the wrong company! AHHHH!!! Coz basically for my cover letter, I made a template itself so that when I sent to another company, I just need to change the company title that I am applying for, the address and all the relevant details that need to be changed. This is a bit of a lazy process I know but it will save me much more time though. Imagine the madness if I never do so...am I going to type the cover letter over like at least 10 times?! The documents and the forms are already making me dizzy...I feel worse than doing my report for my project man...haiz...
And now I can only wonder: Out of so many application forms and resumes that I have sent out, how many replies will I get? I know I am not a really best candidate and I am certainly of the lower advantage if I have to compete with my peers...but I just pray hard that if there is even one reply from all these piles of applications, I would be so happy for myself. Haiz...I guess I sound kinda like a saddist man but that is just so true...haiz...I think I should just keep praying about it ba...
PS: The picture above is the photo that I used for my resume...does it look funny? Coz I think I look quite bad tho...but then I don't really want to put on my make up, wear my suit just to take another studio photo again lo...I really dislike it...haiz..*stress stress*
"No mood le...I just wanna get my job and plan my graduation trip happily thereafter... :"
Yeah! No AA205 this week! :D
My joy for having no lessons this week (almost because AA205 is the one that gives me the most lessons here...lol) Hahaha...think I will just hang around and hibernate in my room again...too lazy to go outside le... :P
Anyway, just wanna thank my E240 for caring for me...hahaha...aiyo I think I better don't let people know I am sick next time coz I feel bad that many people send me sms lo...hahaha...juz kidding...lol I appreciate lots tho... :) Thanks Belle for offering to buy me dinner, Shu Hui, Weng, Ye Hui, Huiling, Sheralyn for your sms and msn msg...and one sentence of care from Brian in US too...haha..can't blame him coz he got too many girls to handle...hahaha...juz kidding...lol Hahaha...I am fine le...only left with some aftermath of it like block nose, cough and sneeze...love you guys! :)
Anyway, just wanna thank my E240 for caring for me...hahaha...aiyo I think I better don't let people know I am sick next time coz I feel bad that many people send me sms lo...hahaha...juz kidding...lol I appreciate lots tho... :) Thanks Belle for offering to buy me dinner, Shu Hui, Weng, Ye Hui, Huiling, Sheralyn for your sms and msn msg...and one sentence of care from Brian in US too...haha..can't blame him coz he got too many girls to handle...hahaha...juz kidding...lol Hahaha...I am fine le...only left with some aftermath of it like block nose, cough and sneeze...love you guys! :)
Sunday, October 15, 2006
(Another Song) All Over Again -- by Justin Timberlake
This song is from Justin's new album "FutureSex/ LoveSounds" (Not a very nice title hor? :P). Hahaha...like Brian says his song is one of those that you will like it more as you listen to it more....hahaha...lol So this is the very few slow songs that I like (or my music style is changing le...hahaha..lol). Some people says that the lyrics tells what's weighing in your heart...but this lyrics shouldn't apply anymore to me ba...lol I am more attracted by his way of singing slow songs though...hahaha...so enjoy ya? :)
And don't miss Evanescence's "The Open Door" too...they are still my all time favourite...esp the song "Sweet Sacrifice", "Call Me When You Are Sober"...& also from the album "Anywhere But Home", the song "Breathe No More" is great! :D Hahaha...love them more as I listen to them more...hahaha...lol
PS: Don't believe all that is said in the lyrics though...of coz it is always great and heartwarming to have a second chance to start things all over again...that is like a dream come ture...but some things will just never be the same...haiz...so treasure whatever you have now ya? *wink* :)
God bless to everyone! lol
You've been alone, you've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways but I would change my life
If you thought you, might try to love me
So please give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over,
Again
I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
Who had heaven and Earth
In the palm of his hand
but I threw it away
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness and if you could just please
Give me another chance to write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over
Again
Little girl you're all I've got
don't you leave me standing here once again
Cause I'll give you my life
Yes I would
If you would let me try to let me love you
So please give me another chance
to write you another song
and take back those thing's I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over
Again
Again, oh,no no ohh
You know I love you, yeah
give me one more chance
No no, no no no no
God or $$$? :P
Today started off with my bible study with Shu Hui at the foodcourt...hahaha...I guess this is the shortest BS we have ever had. But the topic was on Fellowship and I guess there is not much new things to learn but the lesson serves more as a reminder for us to fellowship with one another ba...lol And thank God for Shu Hui as she (together with Belle) prayed for me for healing for the recovery from my fever just before the service starts...thank you sisters! *hugz* :D
I was more amazed that Pastor Kong asked for all those who are sicked this week to raise up their hands so he can pray for them. This is something that doesn't happen every week and certainly I raised mine and let the others prayed for me. Haha...thank God coz I really need these prayers as my flu had lasted for like a month long and the fever only activated now...the haze and the weather is making me vulnerable to anywhere outside my hostel room...hahaha...the side effect of my hibernation ya? :P
Today's message was on the truth about God & Money. God is a practical God who is concerned with the very practical things in life -- He is concerned about our money. Do you know that out of the 32 parables Jesus spoke of, 16 of them have to do with money? ;) Remember that we are NOT a product of this world but of God. We are created in His own image. So God loves money too! lol But then we can NEVER serve both God & Money together. The devil knows that no one will listen to a poor person. And in every society, people become poor as the result of (1) laziness, (2) calamity, (3) exploitation, and (4) sacrifice.
Pastor Kong also talks about 5 truth about money.
1) Money draws your heart to where you invest it. (It is easy to tell who you love because you will be willing to give that person things without considering what's on the price tag.)
2) Money is NOT evil. (It is only the GREED or LUST for money that is evil...you can't find a verse in the bible that says money is evil.)
3) Money takes on your personality. (It shows if you are stingy or generous giver. Even if a drug dealer offers you money, take it! It's not like the money will make you to become a drug addict too...it only becomes dirty money if you used them in the wrong ways.)
4) Your money is your life. (We are paid for the amount of our life that we invest in our works.)
5) Your money is your life multiplier. (What you give to God He will multiply it for you.)
Money is such a sensitive issue at times that we don't like to talk about. Haha...not many people like to talk about it. As the service went on, I thought about my own financial management. Ever since going back to church, the passion for shopping has subsided. Or I guess I am either broke, too old for shopping or to busy with my work that I never really think about it. Glad that today I finally made some shopping for myself -- 3 new Christian books! :D Hahaha...since God has already provided me with an abundance of clothes, bags, shoes and accessories, all I need now is to build up my little library of God. Attributes is having the year-end sales now and immediately after service I went to grab some good stuffs there: 1) "Keys To Financial Excellence" by Phil Pringle, 2) "Faith That Overcomes The World" by Ulf Ekman, and 3) "Being The Person God Made You To Be" by Joyce Meyer. Anyone interested in reading them can borrow from me too ya? :P
The day ended early for me as I went home without attending the prayer meeting coz I am not feeling very well. The aircon at the hall is making me sick again. Next week will probably be going for blood donation...hope I can get well by then and hope I can finally donate my blood this time...hahaha...3 more trys and I will give up hor? :P
Juz got Steph sms that I can finally meet her and Ying Wah this Friday night. These two gals are my close friends for many years le...the few girls who I know don't really desire to be tai-tais too (Haha...those who know me should know my stand on being tai-tai too ba...lol) Haiz...but I just realise that the topics between me and them seem to be lesser nowadays. They would share about their times with their darlings and I can only listen. Hahaha...so sad to all the guys man...these two great gals are taken! :) But I still love them anyway...hahaha...something to look forward to for my week...Yeah! lol
"Munching on my semi-burnt semi-soften lasagna made out of the toaster...hahaha...still edible la...hahaha...so don't think I need to take any picture of it yet ba? :P"
I was more amazed that Pastor Kong asked for all those who are sicked this week to raise up their hands so he can pray for them. This is something that doesn't happen every week and certainly I raised mine and let the others prayed for me. Haha...thank God coz I really need these prayers as my flu had lasted for like a month long and the fever only activated now...the haze and the weather is making me vulnerable to anywhere outside my hostel room...hahaha...the side effect of my hibernation ya? :P
Today's message was on the truth about God & Money. God is a practical God who is concerned with the very practical things in life -- He is concerned about our money. Do you know that out of the 32 parables Jesus spoke of, 16 of them have to do with money? ;) Remember that we are NOT a product of this world but of God. We are created in His own image. So God loves money too! lol But then we can NEVER serve both God & Money together. The devil knows that no one will listen to a poor person. And in every society, people become poor as the result of (1) laziness, (2) calamity, (3) exploitation, and (4) sacrifice.
Pastor Kong also talks about 5 truth about money.
1) Money draws your heart to where you invest it. (It is easy to tell who you love because you will be willing to give that person things without considering what's on the price tag.)
2) Money is NOT evil. (It is only the GREED or LUST for money that is evil...you can't find a verse in the bible that says money is evil.)
3) Money takes on your personality. (It shows if you are stingy or generous giver. Even if a drug dealer offers you money, take it! It's not like the money will make you to become a drug addict too...it only becomes dirty money if you used them in the wrong ways.)
4) Your money is your life. (We are paid for the amount of our life that we invest in our works.)
5) Your money is your life multiplier. (What you give to God He will multiply it for you.)
Money is such a sensitive issue at times that we don't like to talk about. Haha...not many people like to talk about it. As the service went on, I thought about my own financial management. Ever since going back to church, the passion for shopping has subsided. Or I guess I am either broke, too old for shopping or to busy with my work that I never really think about it. Glad that today I finally made some shopping for myself -- 3 new Christian books! :D Hahaha...since God has already provided me with an abundance of clothes, bags, shoes and accessories, all I need now is to build up my little library of God. Attributes is having the year-end sales now and immediately after service I went to grab some good stuffs there: 1) "Keys To Financial Excellence" by Phil Pringle, 2) "Faith That Overcomes The World" by Ulf Ekman, and 3) "Being The Person God Made You To Be" by Joyce Meyer. Anyone interested in reading them can borrow from me too ya? :P
The day ended early for me as I went home without attending the prayer meeting coz I am not feeling very well. The aircon at the hall is making me sick again. Next week will probably be going for blood donation...hope I can get well by then and hope I can finally donate my blood this time...hahaha...3 more trys and I will give up hor? :P
Juz got Steph sms that I can finally meet her and Ying Wah this Friday night. These two gals are my close friends for many years le...the few girls who I know don't really desire to be tai-tais too (Haha...those who know me should know my stand on being tai-tai too ba...lol) Haiz...but I just realise that the topics between me and them seem to be lesser nowadays. They would share about their times with their darlings and I can only listen. Hahaha...so sad to all the guys man...these two great gals are taken! :) But I still love them anyway...hahaha...something to look forward to for my week...Yeah! lol
"Munching on my semi-burnt semi-soften lasagna made out of the toaster...hahaha...still edible la...hahaha...so don't think I need to take any picture of it yet ba? :P"
Friday, October 13, 2006
My first sales made...and my first fever for the year...
Woke up early today to go down to Suntec to help Sharon & Hanzhong to mann their stall. Hahaha...the feeling is a bit nervous yet excited as I have never done this before. Help her set up the stuffs is a bit troublesome for me as I had to keep referring to the photos I took with my handphone camera the day before (see the above photos...lol).
The day started out pretty good I thought coz there are a few customers asking about the shoes and the bags during the lunch hour period. One or two of them even asked to help them reserve a bag and a pair of shoes for her (though she rejected the idea of putting down deposits). But, ended up after 6 hours of work, I only managed to sell off one pair of shoes. Haiz...kinda made me feel a little guilty that I helped Sharon & Hanzhong in so little things. After all, they insisted on paying me for the hours that I had worked and I realised the sales on the previous day was really high. Wow...amazed by Sharon...how did she manage to do that?! lol
Hahaha...but it was a very good learning experience for me as I realised that setting up a business on your own is really never a easy thing to do, not to mention that you have lots of admin stuffs to handle beside the manning of your own stall (unless you hire people to help but that will increase your set up cost too). Really great to see how God has blessed this couple in their business man...hahaha....lol
I was supposed to have bible study with Shu Hui again after work but I had been sneezing my head off the whole day and I feel really dizzy. So I have to postpone it to Sunday morning (Oh no got to wake up super super early...lol). Slept all the way on the train on my way back and only woke up at the terminal by the officer because everyone had already gotten off the train and it was supposed to be out of service...hahaha...wonder what if no one woke me up I would have gone with the train to the service centre by now....lol
Now my forehead is warming up and I am perspiring cold sweat...super uncomfortable. Think I do a bit of work then I will take my nap ba...that goes my friday...the 13th...hahaha...lol
"To myself: Get well soon....hahaha...lol"
To love or to be loved?
I had my cell group meeting just now but this time I am not going to share what I learnt but what I experienced and how God speaks to me on my way back to my hostel.
Instead of taking the usual bus 179 back, I walked all the way back from Boon Lay MRT again. It was past midnight then. Somehow, the road is unusually quiet and dark. It really don't feel great to walk alone so late, especially when I am a girl and there are many foreign workers walking along the streets too. But I know there is something weighing in my heart and I know I need to take that walk because I always do that when I feel troubled.
And as I walk, I thought about many things: my lessons learn these days, my discussion with my friends over faith for God and questions from the bible, my bible study, my service message on faith again, things my friend wrote on his blog over the love of Jesus, my past relationships, my family, my work, my recruitement drive etc. Everything started to stream in. And suddenly, I cried. Tears keep streaming down my face. I don't know if it is the surrounding that is having this effect on me or the longing I have for love. I come to fear what I feel at that point of time -- loneliness. Remember I said before that the word "Independent" has two meanings? It is either you are strong or you are too used to it. At this moment, I believe I am the latter. I longed to be loved by someone, someone who knows me, someone who shared the same interests as me, someone who can grow together with me despite of any challenges ahead, someone who can be my soulmate. Seriously, I never want to be alone.
On my way back, the fear of darkness haunted me again and somehow I was reminded of how my other half in the past used to shelter me, assuring me that he was by my side to protect me in the dark. He even made me walked on the inner lane of the road so he can protect me if any car accidentally came and hit onto the road. Somehow, it makes me wonder where was God then. I tell God: I want my companion; I want my support; I wish to have someone to laugh with me when I am happy; I wish I can rely on someone when I am down; I want to be there for someone else too and make me feel needed somewhere; I want to be the support for someone else; I don't want to be a superwoman; I don't want to be alone.
But when I said all these, I realised one thing: How many times did I use the word "I"? Oh gosh...this just shows how selfish and self-centred I am! Did I even place God there? These are all that I want and NOT what God wants in my life!!!
Then my mind leads me back to the time I strayed away from him and how many things I had done Him wrongs...many many things that are really displeasing in God's eyes. Yet when Brian asked me to come to CHC, I can feel instantly that He never even care what I did to hurt him. I can feel his presence with me during that first Saturday service in which Mark Connor was preaching, telling me He is glad I have finally come back to him! And I know He is with me! Despite of all the things I am doing now, He is there guiding me. True that people longed for a partner and so do I. But then God is my partner too, my partner who will be waiting for me at the end of the world! He will never leave me! His agape (unconditional) love for me is everlasting!
Let me illustrate to you with a little exercise that my friend taught me.
First, you put your two hands together, palm to palm and make sure each finger are align to the other finger on the other palm. Secondly, you bring down the middle finger such that they still stick together but pointing downwards while the rest point upwards. Once you are done, here's the story:
One day, when you get old, and you will have to leave your parents (represented by your thumbs and pull them apart to show that you can leave your parents...it is easy right?). Then, when you are old, your siblings (represented by your second fingers) will become independent too and soon you will leave them too (repeat the exercise, this time pulling your second fingers apart...still can manage to do it right?). And now turn to your last finger. They represent your children in the future. When your children grows up, they will leave you one day too (And you can pull apart your last fingers). But try pulling apart your forth finger, the one that you put your wedding ring on? Can you pull them apart? If you following my instructions correctly, by right you can't. They are the ones representing you and your partner. When you have the covenant with your spouse on the day of your marriage, you two shall never be apart.
But if you manage to pull your forth fingers apart, do you notice any difference among the other fingers? Are your middle fingers starting to come up? And do you feel that the higher your middle fingers go, the easier it is to pull the forth fingers apart? The middle finger represents yourself. When yourself (the middle finger) start to rise up, you place more importance on yourself than your partner and become more selfish, and neglect your partner. Soon, your selfishness will come and break your bonding with your other half. This is exactly what happens in the reality and why the cases on divorce increase as people value themselves more and more these days since many of them can be independent on their own.
Let's take the forth finger to represent God in your life. Do you realise that when you put yourself in the centre, your relationship with God will start to fall apart too? You take control of your life and you place God outside. Soon, you thought you can depend on your own and you will leave God. That is also the reason why many people refuse to accept God or backslided because of all the temptations this world has to give, that for once, you want to be the controller of your life to enjoy all that was given in this world, whether they are good or bad, for the thrill of trying them out. You know there is a Chinese saying: "Good medicine always taste bitter in the mouth."?
Good things are often not pleasing in our ears and we would prefer to listen to things that please us. You take control of your life and things that are not pleasant will come in and mess up everything. But when you let God take control in your life, He takes in what is good for you and help you to take away those that are unclean inside you. Everything will then be placed in their right positions and there is order in your life. Everything goes smoothly for you. So can you let God be your partner today? Do you believe that God has already provided the One for you and not you yourself seeking for him or her in your life? Soulmates are the ones who grow spiritually together, and not grow together for sexual pleasure or material enjoyment. And certainly your relationship with anyone is not any types of game of love.
My cell group leader, Sis Jaz and her husband, Bro Chris is a couple that I envy and look upon to: A family that share the joy in God's love, leaders who are passionate about God and serve him together, and a lovely child given to them to bring in even more joy to the family. Similarly, Sharon and Hanzhong is another pair of lovely couple who grow together strongly in Christ, working hard for themselves and for God and seeing how God bless them in their work and their business together. So when you choose your partner, remember NEVER to let yourself pull away from God! That person should grow with you together in God and not out of Him! I had those experiences and it is really hard for you to share those joy with your partner if he or she doesn't understand them.
I am still seeking for the One for me but I shouldn't be impatient. Hahaha...I wonder if it is really true that girl will get anxious if they can't get married by the age of 30 now...hahaha...lol I believe in God to have planned a life for me and my soulmate too. And if I can't see that person now, then God will be my partner for me now...so I am NOT ALONE! Haiz...so why all these fuss again?! Hahaha...thank God for putting friends in my life coz a bible verse that my friend shared with me before he left Singapore comes back to remind me once again:
"'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the Lord Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the Lord Almighty." (Haggai 2:9)
We must remember that only when we established God's kingdom first, all the things in our life will then be established and even much greater than before. Seeking God and establishing his kingdom should always be the first priority in our life. Oh...I LOVE YOU GOD! *muacks* :D
Gonna go zzzZ soon...helping Sharon to mann her stall tomorrow as she has impromtu makeup seesions to attend to....lol Hope I don't screw anything up as this is my first time doing sales job. Haha...something I would like to avoid doing very often as I am afraid to speak up...not really keen on that though and it is certainly not my strong area. But thank God for the opportunity given to me this time to learn ba...it is good to keep learning new things in life...don't you agree? lol So anyone who are interested in buying new shoes and bags can always come and take a look at her stall at Suntec, 2nd level outside the shop "Why pay more?". Haha...easily recognisable as Sharon is a very beautiful lady...hahaha...so chio bus should be easily spotted ba...hahaha...lol Yeah! :D
"Sorry father for my mood swing again. Never shall I doubt of your plan for me and never would I ever want to be apart from you again."
Instead of taking the usual bus 179 back, I walked all the way back from Boon Lay MRT again. It was past midnight then. Somehow, the road is unusually quiet and dark. It really don't feel great to walk alone so late, especially when I am a girl and there are many foreign workers walking along the streets too. But I know there is something weighing in my heart and I know I need to take that walk because I always do that when I feel troubled.
And as I walk, I thought about many things: my lessons learn these days, my discussion with my friends over faith for God and questions from the bible, my bible study, my service message on faith again, things my friend wrote on his blog over the love of Jesus, my past relationships, my family, my work, my recruitement drive etc. Everything started to stream in. And suddenly, I cried. Tears keep streaming down my face. I don't know if it is the surrounding that is having this effect on me or the longing I have for love. I come to fear what I feel at that point of time -- loneliness. Remember I said before that the word "Independent" has two meanings? It is either you are strong or you are too used to it. At this moment, I believe I am the latter. I longed to be loved by someone, someone who knows me, someone who shared the same interests as me, someone who can grow together with me despite of any challenges ahead, someone who can be my soulmate. Seriously, I never want to be alone.
On my way back, the fear of darkness haunted me again and somehow I was reminded of how my other half in the past used to shelter me, assuring me that he was by my side to protect me in the dark. He even made me walked on the inner lane of the road so he can protect me if any car accidentally came and hit onto the road. Somehow, it makes me wonder where was God then. I tell God: I want my companion; I want my support; I wish to have someone to laugh with me when I am happy; I wish I can rely on someone when I am down; I want to be there for someone else too and make me feel needed somewhere; I want to be the support for someone else; I don't want to be a superwoman; I don't want to be alone.
But when I said all these, I realised one thing: How many times did I use the word "I"? Oh gosh...this just shows how selfish and self-centred I am! Did I even place God there? These are all that I want and NOT what God wants in my life!!!
Then my mind leads me back to the time I strayed away from him and how many things I had done Him wrongs...many many things that are really displeasing in God's eyes. Yet when Brian asked me to come to CHC, I can feel instantly that He never even care what I did to hurt him. I can feel his presence with me during that first Saturday service in which Mark Connor was preaching, telling me He is glad I have finally come back to him! And I know He is with me! Despite of all the things I am doing now, He is there guiding me. True that people longed for a partner and so do I. But then God is my partner too, my partner who will be waiting for me at the end of the world! He will never leave me! His agape (unconditional) love for me is everlasting!
Let me illustrate to you with a little exercise that my friend taught me.
First, you put your two hands together, palm to palm and make sure each finger are align to the other finger on the other palm. Secondly, you bring down the middle finger such that they still stick together but pointing downwards while the rest point upwards. Once you are done, here's the story:
One day, when you get old, and you will have to leave your parents (represented by your thumbs and pull them apart to show that you can leave your parents...it is easy right?). Then, when you are old, your siblings (represented by your second fingers) will become independent too and soon you will leave them too (repeat the exercise, this time pulling your second fingers apart...still can manage to do it right?). And now turn to your last finger. They represent your children in the future. When your children grows up, they will leave you one day too (And you can pull apart your last fingers). But try pulling apart your forth finger, the one that you put your wedding ring on? Can you pull them apart? If you following my instructions correctly, by right you can't. They are the ones representing you and your partner. When you have the covenant with your spouse on the day of your marriage, you two shall never be apart.
But if you manage to pull your forth fingers apart, do you notice any difference among the other fingers? Are your middle fingers starting to come up? And do you feel that the higher your middle fingers go, the easier it is to pull the forth fingers apart? The middle finger represents yourself. When yourself (the middle finger) start to rise up, you place more importance on yourself than your partner and become more selfish, and neglect your partner. Soon, your selfishness will come and break your bonding with your other half. This is exactly what happens in the reality and why the cases on divorce increase as people value themselves more and more these days since many of them can be independent on their own.
Let's take the forth finger to represent God in your life. Do you realise that when you put yourself in the centre, your relationship with God will start to fall apart too? You take control of your life and you place God outside. Soon, you thought you can depend on your own and you will leave God. That is also the reason why many people refuse to accept God or backslided because of all the temptations this world has to give, that for once, you want to be the controller of your life to enjoy all that was given in this world, whether they are good or bad, for the thrill of trying them out. You know there is a Chinese saying: "Good medicine always taste bitter in the mouth."?
Good things are often not pleasing in our ears and we would prefer to listen to things that please us. You take control of your life and things that are not pleasant will come in and mess up everything. But when you let God take control in your life, He takes in what is good for you and help you to take away those that are unclean inside you. Everything will then be placed in their right positions and there is order in your life. Everything goes smoothly for you. So can you let God be your partner today? Do you believe that God has already provided the One for you and not you yourself seeking for him or her in your life? Soulmates are the ones who grow spiritually together, and not grow together for sexual pleasure or material enjoyment. And certainly your relationship with anyone is not any types of game of love.
My cell group leader, Sis Jaz and her husband, Bro Chris is a couple that I envy and look upon to: A family that share the joy in God's love, leaders who are passionate about God and serve him together, and a lovely child given to them to bring in even more joy to the family. Similarly, Sharon and Hanzhong is another pair of lovely couple who grow together strongly in Christ, working hard for themselves and for God and seeing how God bless them in their work and their business together. So when you choose your partner, remember NEVER to let yourself pull away from God! That person should grow with you together in God and not out of Him! I had those experiences and it is really hard for you to share those joy with your partner if he or she doesn't understand them.
I am still seeking for the One for me but I shouldn't be impatient. Hahaha...I wonder if it is really true that girl will get anxious if they can't get married by the age of 30 now...hahaha...lol I believe in God to have planned a life for me and my soulmate too. And if I can't see that person now, then God will be my partner for me now...so I am NOT ALONE! Haiz...so why all these fuss again?! Hahaha...thank God for putting friends in my life coz a bible verse that my friend shared with me before he left Singapore comes back to remind me once again:
"'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the Lord Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the Lord Almighty." (Haggai 2:9)
We must remember that only when we established God's kingdom first, all the things in our life will then be established and even much greater than before. Seeking God and establishing his kingdom should always be the first priority in our life. Oh...I LOVE YOU GOD! *muacks* :D
Gonna go zzzZ soon...helping Sharon to mann her stall tomorrow as she has impromtu makeup seesions to attend to....lol Hope I don't screw anything up as this is my first time doing sales job. Haha...something I would like to avoid doing very often as I am afraid to speak up...not really keen on that though and it is certainly not my strong area. But thank God for the opportunity given to me this time to learn ba...it is good to keep learning new things in life...don't you agree? lol So anyone who are interested in buying new shoes and bags can always come and take a look at her stall at Suntec, 2nd level outside the shop "Why pay more?". Haha...easily recognisable as Sharon is a very beautiful lady...hahaha...so chio bus should be easily spotted ba...hahaha...lol Yeah! :D
"Sorry father for my mood swing again. Never shall I doubt of your plan for me and never would I ever want to be apart from you again."
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Greatest success comes from faith in the risky times...
I finally did my quiet time after quite some time because of the recent increase of workload I encountered. And thank God He always tell me something as I read my bible.
This time I learned about more on faith from the story of the sick woman. It is about a woman who had been subjected to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
I bet this story has been read many times but yet sometimes you won't learn much only after you read it again and again for a few more times. The story touches me because of the faith that was shown on this sick woman. Because of such great faith, she never even need to ask Jesus to heal her -- she simply BELIEVE she can be healed by simply touching the edge of his cloak. Do we have such faith that God help us all the time? Even in the times when you are in your deepest valley, can you hold on to that faith that He is there for you still?
This woman holds onto her faith for Jesus to heal her and hence she has been healed. Do you realise that often when we are put in places where faith is tested and our survival is being questioned, yet if we are able to hold onto God through such period of time, the greatest success in our lives will then be followed? This woman has tried out so many doctors but none can heal her. She is fighting for her own survival now. And in her most desperate times, she believe in Jesus to be her healer. She probably had a hard time travelling down to the places where she heard Jesus was there because she had already spent all she had for her medication over the years. She probably had a difficult time squeezing through the large crowd around Jesus when she got there. But this never stops her from going there -- and all she was there for is just to touch his cloak.
Wow...can you imagine that you go all the way, having to go through a lot of difficulty, but all you want to do is just something as small as touching someone's cloak? Would you be this determined to do so if you are in her shoe's? If taking God's words mean that you would have to place yourself in a position in which your family will be against you, your closest friends will leave you and everyone around will outcast you, can you just hold on to that faith? And after all these things that you need to go through, all you want in your heart is just to see His face and to have feast with him in the kingdom of heaven?
When the woman touched Jesus, Jesus knew and he asked who touched his clothes. In Mark 5:31 his disciples answered him saying, "You see the people crowding against you, and yet you can ask 'Who touched me?'" There are so many people there that everyone is touching Jesus. But yet only those who come before him with faith, God will know and He will healed you. The woman has come with great faith for Jesus to heal her and so when she touched Jesus by the edge of his cloak, Jesus knew. It was her faith for him that has healed her and freed herself from her suffering. God knows if we actually come before Him with or without faith. And it is also that through our faith for Him, our prayers are answered and we are healed by God. That is the attitude that we need to have as we come before God.
Maybe whatever we are doing now seem to be nothing great or we wander if they are worth doing. But how much do you value God and the promise He has given us? Everything counts in, no matter big or small that we do for him, He knows. If you believe He is worth everything, then if it requires you to give up everything, do it and believe that the God will never forsake you but to give you the greatest success in your life. So the morale of the story: Don't be afraid; just believe.
"He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'" ~ Mark 5:34
This time I learned about more on faith from the story of the sick woman. It is about a woman who had been subjected to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
I bet this story has been read many times but yet sometimes you won't learn much only after you read it again and again for a few more times. The story touches me because of the faith that was shown on this sick woman. Because of such great faith, she never even need to ask Jesus to heal her -- she simply BELIEVE she can be healed by simply touching the edge of his cloak. Do we have such faith that God help us all the time? Even in the times when you are in your deepest valley, can you hold on to that faith that He is there for you still?
This woman holds onto her faith for Jesus to heal her and hence she has been healed. Do you realise that often when we are put in places where faith is tested and our survival is being questioned, yet if we are able to hold onto God through such period of time, the greatest success in our lives will then be followed? This woman has tried out so many doctors but none can heal her. She is fighting for her own survival now. And in her most desperate times, she believe in Jesus to be her healer. She probably had a hard time travelling down to the places where she heard Jesus was there because she had already spent all she had for her medication over the years. She probably had a difficult time squeezing through the large crowd around Jesus when she got there. But this never stops her from going there -- and all she was there for is just to touch his cloak.
Wow...can you imagine that you go all the way, having to go through a lot of difficulty, but all you want to do is just something as small as touching someone's cloak? Would you be this determined to do so if you are in her shoe's? If taking God's words mean that you would have to place yourself in a position in which your family will be against you, your closest friends will leave you and everyone around will outcast you, can you just hold on to that faith? And after all these things that you need to go through, all you want in your heart is just to see His face and to have feast with him in the kingdom of heaven?
When the woman touched Jesus, Jesus knew and he asked who touched his clothes. In Mark 5:31 his disciples answered him saying, "You see the people crowding against you, and yet you can ask 'Who touched me?'" There are so many people there that everyone is touching Jesus. But yet only those who come before him with faith, God will know and He will healed you. The woman has come with great faith for Jesus to heal her and so when she touched Jesus by the edge of his cloak, Jesus knew. It was her faith for him that has healed her and freed herself from her suffering. God knows if we actually come before Him with or without faith. And it is also that through our faith for Him, our prayers are answered and we are healed by God. That is the attitude that we need to have as we come before God.
Maybe whatever we are doing now seem to be nothing great or we wander if they are worth doing. But how much do you value God and the promise He has given us? Everything counts in, no matter big or small that we do for him, He knows. If you believe He is worth everything, then if it requires you to give up everything, do it and believe that the God will never forsake you but to give you the greatest success in your life. So the morale of the story: Don't be afraid; just believe.
"He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'" ~ Mark 5:34
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
God, what is the decision for me?
This morning I woke up early to go for my project. This is the final day for all our visits to the company Adeka (Singapore) Pte Ltd as we made our final presentation on our findings, existing control and our recommendation to the company managing directors and managers. We really carry it out like the official work that we are engaging on...so pro! :D The best thing is that the company treat us very well and bring us to a nice Japanese restaurant at Fairway Club to have our lunch! Haha...I guess the photos tell it all ba...yummy! :P
Then back in school, I was so tired that I fell asleep on my bed immediately. Woke up at 4pm to go for my accounting firms' recruitement talk by the 5 mid-tier firms: LTC, BDO Raffles, RSM Chio Lim, DFK Ng & Lee Associates, and Foo Kon Tan Grant Thornton. After listening to the talk, I really consider joining these few firms too. Of course, everyone are fighting to join the Big 4 or the well-known banks nowadays but I believe the prospects that these 5 firms give would not lose out at all too. After all, I believe there are more things for us to learn in these firms and to have a better full picture of our assignments too. Their clients are of a variety of industries and this is different from the Big 4. Haha...thank God I have attended this talk coz now I know that there are 5 more firms for me to choose from...yeah! :)
Then at night, my hall has Ice-cream & Mooncake Festival Celebration at our com hall. Somehow, I have a reluctance to go down to join them. But in the end, I still went down for a while to see how the celebration is like and to have some ice-cream. After all, this is my final year staying here anyway and next year I will be a full-time office lady. Sounds so old...haiz...haha...and I love cooking these days...am I preparing myself to become a better wife?! :P Haha...but then cooking is always fun and I just wonder how to make lasagna now...the pastry don't seem to soften lei...or do I have to boil them before I bake the thing? Haha...lol
Thank God I don't have things tomorrow that I need to rush here and there for. Finally, more time for me to rest or at least do my work ba...so many things to do in so little time left. But I am not complaining much nowadays...in fact, I thank God for all the opportunities that He gave me to realise my mistakes and to use them fully for my work. May all the praises and thanksgiving go to my great great heavenly papa! lol
"End."
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Vision Weekend 2006
IT"S SUNDAY AGAIN! lol
Now that the marriage seminars are over, this month the messages for the services are focused on the arise & build of our church. Pastor Kong told us again about our church mission and how our ministries and branch churches are doing and how fast our members have grown over the past 17 years. Wow I tell you the growth rate is really exponentially growing strong. One of our members who is also a very successful businessman shared about his blessings from God and how much he has contributed to God too. Overall, he may have contributed to about $5 million to God but the blessings he gets from God is 6 times more than that...$30 millions in return!
Pastor has shown us many figures that we need to know and the total amount that we need for this building fund is as much as $17 million to build that stadium that we need. But nevertheless, don't mistake that pastor is trying to just get money from us to rise the fund. It is important that we need to be specific and know how much our church needs and to give the amount that we think is suitable. And yes there are just so much we need to know and to believe and trust God in all that He will give us in the future.
Just wanna remind myself this that every CHC member must continue to grow stronger in:
1) Prayer
2) Fellowship
3) Word of God
4) Ministry
5) Evangelism
I am thinking of how much I can contribute now too. I wish I can contribute my part here too because He is worth it.
"If you see it through the mind of God, you will have solution in all things you do."
Now that the marriage seminars are over, this month the messages for the services are focused on the arise & build of our church. Pastor Kong told us again about our church mission and how our ministries and branch churches are doing and how fast our members have grown over the past 17 years. Wow I tell you the growth rate is really exponentially growing strong. One of our members who is also a very successful businessman shared about his blessings from God and how much he has contributed to God too. Overall, he may have contributed to about $5 million to God but the blessings he gets from God is 6 times more than that...$30 millions in return!
Pastor has shown us many figures that we need to know and the total amount that we need for this building fund is as much as $17 million to build that stadium that we need. But nevertheless, don't mistake that pastor is trying to just get money from us to rise the fund. It is important that we need to be specific and know how much our church needs and to give the amount that we think is suitable. And yes there are just so much we need to know and to believe and trust God in all that He will give us in the future.
Just wanna remind myself this that every CHC member must continue to grow stronger in:
1) Prayer
2) Fellowship
3) Word of God
4) Ministry
5) Evangelism
I am thinking of how much I can contribute now too. I wish I can contribute my part here too because He is worth it.
"If you see it through the mind of God, you will have solution in all things you do."
Saturday, October 07, 2006
The killer haze
The haze PSI level has reached the peak: 150. This is a killer and I feel the block nose and blur vision...haha...wondering if the haze has already reached into my room lo...lol Wake up this morning and sneeze for like an endless hour? Sigh...hope it will go away real soon...
"God please make the haze goes away..."
"God please make the haze goes away..."
Friday, October 06, 2006
Enlargement
Yeah I love Thursdays because I will have my cell group meeting on Thursday nights...it just feels good once again to be in the house of God and to fellowship with my cell group members...they are really one bunch of great people here! :D
The message today was on "Enlargement". Remember the miracle that Jesus did about feeding the 5,000 men? One of the reasons why some of our lives are not being enlarged is because we never admit that we have a need. We never tell God what we need from Him when we have a problem. Another reason is that we don't take ownership for our problems. This is also why we never tell God what we need because people believe the source of the problems they are facing does not come from them. Thirdly, many of us do not have faith in God to trust Him enough to solve our problems for us. Because of all these reasons, many of us give ourselves excuses that we cannot do this or that well enough and so our lives are not being enlarged. This is just not true!
In order for us to have our lives enlarged, we have to do something about it as well. Don't ever expect God will give us success like they are dropped from heaven. We need to trust God and give Him the access to what we already have in our hands. This simply also means to give all that we have to the Lord. Take this as a reality check for ourselves: we see what we already have in our hands and think of what we still need. This can also be a test that God give us to see how much we trust in Him. He wants us to trust Him with our seeds in order to give what we need.
We also need to admit to God that we have a need for Him and address our problem to Him. In fact, most of them even before we told God about our problems, you know He already has a solution for us? Just that He wants us to simply trust Him to tell him ourselves before He will tell us this solution. Think of in reality, don't you tell your problems to friends you trust to and seek them to help you?
Not only to admit our needs, we also need to give God what we have because we must remember that God loves cheerful and willing givers. Give Him what we have when we are still young. The pattern of God's response is always to take what we gave to Him and He will then do miracles for us. And then after giving what we have, we should expect God to multiply it. Bear in mind that nobody listen to poor man and you got to learn to represent yourself well so people will come and follow. Poverty is a curse...Prosperity is a blessing.
"Just cherish what you have now for you will never get to go back to what you have now...and I love my family E240 more and more each day...yeah! :)"
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The quiz is over...yeah! :D
My risk management quiz is finally over! lol Haha...can't be much happier than before ya? :P Haha...but still got the iCEE project after the test and we got to head down to the company in the afternoon to finish up on our project...haiz... :P Although we were there for only 4 hr (from 2pm to about 6pm), many things were touched on and pretty good that things seem to be going to be done soon...yeah! lol
And oh I got sms from my mum in Hong Kong! Haha...happy to hear from her somehow...miss her le...sigh... And I juz bought myself food for my toaster as well as a new webcam! lol Haha...kinda influence by Brian coz it looks so fun to chat online with the video cam...and I know my aunt got one in HK too so see if I can talk to my mum using that too ya? :P Haha...everything is going pretty fine though the workload is getting heavier each day. Last 2nd semester of my uni life...gonna ace this time...yeah! lol
"If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear." Mark 4:23
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The Voice of Faith
You know why believers need to go to church regularly?
1. We need to renew our minds daily with His words so we will be a strong person fulfilling His will.
2. God speaks to us in many ways and the message speaks to us during service can be just the word of affirmation that we need at that point of time.
And I believe God always speak to me, giving me a vision during the church services.
I WAS discouraged and depressed over things that I know I have to deal with in my life, things that are inevitable yet I believe these are all God's plan for me to build my character. But today, Pastor Kong was preaching about God's purpose for the building fund that our church needs now and he share with us how God speaks to him upon the decision to have found City Harvest in 1989 and also to look for our promised land to build the new stadium church.
He told us that soul-winning should be the primary purpose for all believers while the rest of the ministries are secondary -- one should achieve one's primary goal before reaching for the secondary, just like you got to learn to walk before you can learn to run. There are many voices within us: Voices of Criticism, Voices of Doubt, Voices of Selfishness, Voices of Limitations, and Voices of Faith. And so often we are distracted by the first 4 voices that we should not have listened, but only to listen to the voices of Faith from God.
Remember that Jesus said before that with God all things are possible? In Luke 5:5, Simon Peter was discouraged after he casted the net out to sea through the night. But because he listen to what Jesus told him to do so and he believes in him, he never give up and in the end he caught such a large number of fish that the net even starts to break!
Or let us look at our well-known inventor of our phone Alexandra Bell Graham versus another genius scientist Elisha Gray...how many of you have heard of Elisha Gray? Do you know that Elisha Gray was the one who discovered the technology of phone much earlier than Alexandra does? But why is it then that not many people know or even heard about him?! That's because Elisha chose to give up while Alexandra, the late comer, persisted in his research. And just for a crucial time of 30 minutes, Alexandra applied for the patent for the discovery of phone for just 30 minutes earlier than Elisha, giving him the honour of being the famous scientist that people come to know of till this day.
God does not give us our victory without a struggle. His words are often risky; they may risk your relationship with your family and with your peers. But when you have decided to put yourself in places of high risk, in places of no return, that is the time that you actually will put in ALL of you to achieve the greatest success ever -- you are simply fighting for your own survival. So take God's words and take that risk!
Like pastor keep emphasizing today: You CAN get dissatisfy but NEVER to be discouraged. Discouragement is a bad thing to have because it pushes you to the point of giving up. Dissatisfaction is God's stirring up of your heart to let you know that there are greater things install for you...
So like Simon Peter, can you let Jesus Christ step into your boat?
"Simon answered, 'Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.' When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break." ~ Luke 5:5-6
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