Forgiveness

After service fellowship @ Holland Village Eski Bar!

From left: (2nd row) Chris Su, Baoli; (1st row) Me, Sing Yee, Florentine, Xue Fang, and Dennis.

The Ice Room was at -11 degree celcius when we were there...truly a CHILLING out session for us all. :P

Realised it was the 2nd service of 2008 and pastor has preached another powerful message during the service...praise God! I truly want breakthroughs and more changes in my life this year. So for a start, it's time for me to share again the wonderful message that I had learnt today -- Forgiveness.

Colossians 3:13

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

What is real forgiveness?

1. Real forgiveness is unconditional.

• Forgiveness is always your initiative.
• You should forgive the person no matter if he asks for it or not!

2. Forgiveness does not minimize the seriousness of the offense.

• Proverbs 26:18-19
• Forgiveness is needed only when people intentionally hurt you.

3. Forgiveness isn't resuming a relationship without change.

For a relationship to be resumed, you must first have to have:

a) Repentance -- It must be genuine for the relationship to come back.

b) Restitution -- You make changes from your past so as to restore that relationship. (eg. You need to repair the thing you destroyed!)

c) Rebuilding of trust -- This takes a very long time to rebuild the trust you have for someone else if you ever get hurt from him/her.

4. Forgiveness isn't forgetting what's happened.

• The more you are trying to forget something, the more you are focusing on this very thing you want to forget!
• So change your focus on something else!

5. Forgiveness isn't my right when I wasn't the one hurt.

• You got to go back to the person who offended you!

Why should I forgive those who have hurt me?

1. God has forgiven me.
2. Bitterness will destroy my life.
3. Only when I forgive, I will be forgiven too.

"Life is 10% 'what happened' and 90% how we react to it."

Instead of blaming others, take ownership and responsibilities of your own life! You will never do something about your current situation until you see the VALUES of it in your life.

So what is the definition of values?

1. What is most important to you.
2. What you stand for.
3. And what you are willing to pay the price for.

Hebrews 12:16-17

Let illustrate with a simple experiement:

• When you filled an empty bottle with pebbles...is it full yet? No!
• When you filled the bottle again with gravel this time...is it full yet? No!
• When you filled the bottle later with sand...is it full yet? No!
• When you filled the bottle and poured in water...is it full? YES!

Question is -- What did you learn here?

Imagine you start with the water, sand, gravel and pebbles this time and place them in the bottle in this order...could you fit them all in? Well...of course NOT! If you never put the big rocks in first, you will never be able to fit them in at all! And for our lives, our big rocks consist of our families, friends, work, spiritual growth, studies...the things that hold important values and make up the big portion of our lives.

So is it really worth it to harbour unforgiveness and bitterness in your life?

Think about it...I believe eventually you will realise that there are certainly more things in life that deserve your focus and time on!

How to forgive someone?

1. Give up your right to get even.

• It is true that you HAVE the right to get your revenge. Yet this is not important!
• Romans 12:19 -- God will eventually help us to settle our score when the judgement day comes. So for our part, we shouldn't focus on getting even with the person who hurt you, but instead to let go of our right to do so.

2. Set boundaries.

• Setting boundaries does NOT mean to build walls.
• For here, your boundaries are walls with gates that will allow the good things to come in and the bad things to go out.
• You should not reject everyone else but to let those you trust to come into your life.

3. Respond to evil with good.

• Luke 6:27-28
• Return good to the evil and bless others.

4. Repeating these steps as long as necessary.

• Peter has said that he will forgive 7 times.
• Yet Jesus Christ said in the bible that we should forgive 7 x 70 times!

People always say to forgive is to forget. Instead of forgetting, we should remember how God can turn this hurt or pain in us into something even better. It is because of this hurt or pain, that one will come to realise what I have learnt and to make changes to it.

"I will forgive and remember how God has made this hurt of mine to become the key turning point of my life."