What makes you feel worse: to hate someone? Or to hate yourself for hating someone?

No title as I cannot think of anything else better to describe this feeling right now.

Why does she have to keep pushing me while I hardly can go on anymore?
Why when I try to make the effort to reconcile she has to pour cold water all over again?
Why she has to stress me to insanity and totally forgets what had just happened within minutes while I had to suffer that bitterness from her?
Can't the two of us just talk things over without her slamming the phone whenever she finish what she says or I was talking things out?
I can hardly breathe anymore!

I hate this feeling.
I know I am falling into the trap of hating her.
I don't want to hate.
The anger keeps burning in me and I know I am hating her.
Yet...I hate myself even more for hating her.

O God, pls forgive me and fill me with peace in my heart....and so I pray to you...