Lonely?! No way!

Juz wanna share with you all what I have come to learn over the past week, after struggling over my own tireness, emotions and confusion. The chat with Chris, the message during cell and the sermon from Sy Roger have moved and inspired me much more than I would have imagined. This is the joy that I have received. Hope you will understand what I see.

I realise very often, many of us would see ourselves in our own world or voicing out that loneliness in our hearts. And many times, I saw that from my christians friends, saying that they yearn for relationship, yearn for companions. Isn't this ironical when we are supposed to have God with us???

Take an example of the movie -- 50 First Dates. Drew Barrymore acts as a girl who suffers amnesia ever since her accident that she will forget everything every time she wakes up the next morning. How often have we forgotten about God's miracles in our lives soon after he had done them?

It is easy for us to fall for many other things in life. For those who are still single, it is natural for us to fall for pretty and wonderful ladies and gentlemen out there. The word "crushes" would be the favourite word to describe such relationships. But even though we may be attracted to many others, we must never forget to keep our vow and our covenant with God when we have made that decision for Him to enter into our lives.

In the bible, Jesus never say you cannot be gay. Jesus only tell us to WALK with him and remains holy. God is not ashamed to be your master even if you have an interest to watch porn every now and then. But God will be BITTER about your decision. He is even more bitter when you have decided to continue with your addiction.

Frankly speaking, I am not someone who have crushes easily. Not that I am emotionless, but rather I believe to love someone means placing HIGH values over the person I love. And I would affirm these values by sharing my joy with him, by making out my time for him and to care for his needs.

Because the way we treat people indicates how much we value them. It also applies to how we treat God. These few days I am concerned for a friend. One day, she has made her decision to dedicate her life back to God and she made it clear that she will hang on to her decision. And on the next day, she decided to skip service for a test. Does it mean that the test is of higher value than God's words?

In the movie, Adam Sandler plays as a man who falls for Drew despite her amnesia. And everyday he will come up with something so she will fall for him again. Because this is how much he value her in his life and how much he loves her. God is just like that! He will not give up on us just for the flaws we have in ourselves. Drew eventually marries Sandler and she will wake up every morning to watch the video to remind herself of the wonderful memories of yesterday. Did we remind ourselves of what God has done for us today?

I have been through such a stage too. Who is not busy here if you are looking for success in life? My friend has told me once that it is all right to concentrate on our studies first because it is the purpose we need to fulfill now as a student. Well, that is only half-true from what I have discovered.

Of course we need to work for our good results. But how much time does a service take? You can always study at other time but service only happens for that 2 hours plus once a week. Your revision schedule can be changed but your time with God cannot be changed. Are you supposed to change God for your revision? Or are you supposed to change your revision for your God? Which makes more sense???!

I would not say I am any better because I had given up God for my studies, for my projects as well. And many times I have made the decisions to keep close to God but again and again I have failed because of the high value I placed upon my exams. Yet I am NOT satisfied with such a lifestyle. Truthfully, I cannot stand such a lifestyle and fickle-minded thinking. I am simply not satisfied. I have to know if God is satisfied with me.

Because there will always be other people richer than me, smarter than me, more successful than me, and even more spiritual than me. If that is the case, I would not even be qualified to enter God's kingdom!

But God is wise. He does not think of us in this manner. The voice of the world may have make us believe that we are never good enough. Why would you think God made you? He made us with a purpose. And if we know we have come with a purpose to be in this world, we are much bigger than many others in this world.

DON'T believe that you are bad and you should run away from God. No matter what happens, run BACK to God!!! Like we would run to our parents for help when we are still little children...

There are many idols in our life. Idols do not take form but they capture our attention in our lives. This means that our work, our studies, our family, our ministry can become our idols. But how many idols can we have?

Tell you what, we can have as many FALSE idols as there are, BUT there will always be only ONE true idol in our lives. If we follow the false idols, our life will never be great because false idols never understand us. ONLY the true idol will come to our needs and help us when we cry out to it. That's how we define idolism isn't it? So the question is WHO is the TRUE idol in your life today?

Up to today, I had often struggle with the fear of loneliness. I have often feared if people know about my existence. I fear if people remember about me. When my big day approaches, I fear if anyone remembers about it. One of Landy Wen's songs will clearly shows how I would feel if that happens.

Yet right now I feel freed from those struggles. Yes maybe I would fall back to them again but I have come to grow stronger and learn more to prepare myself from falling back into where I was. I know I have God with me. Remember Ruth's story in the bible? After she had lost everything, she had no hope and no future back then. While every other daughter-in-laws leave the place, she decided to stay back. Instead of dwelling in sadness, she has chosen to dwell in the presence of God. [Because many other places around are not godly anymore] In the end, she met a very rich and nice powess and she became his wife. For a widow who has nothing left, what is there to attract such wonderful person who wants to marry her? Think about it...

I have learnt most of what I said from Sy Roger today. At first, I was surprised and a little turn-off by his feminine gesture and his high-pitch voice. Sometimes, you have to understand that the image a pastor gives can have quite a significant impact on what he preaches as well. It will affect the receptivity of the audience. Yet as I listen to his sermon, he addresses every issue of the challenges we are facing with very spiritual and correct thinking that we should have. In my mind, I was like "Yeah he is so right I NEED to change!". Moreover, with his testimony of being a homosexual person in the past, it feels like he is not a pastor but someone there to share with you what he has come to learn from God through the things he has gone through.

Yah...I am not satisfied. I want to change. Like Chris said before, this is not done by ourselves alone. It will only be done with a group of christians who put in the same effort as well. We definitely need to motivate and encourage one another once we sense someting happening on someone else. We are not loners but a family. Pray for me for my determination to hold on to God.

Thanks for reading it because it shows you care to lend a listening ear. Always remember that we will never be alone. :)

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."