Please say a little prayer for them...

Those who have received my email may have seen these photos. But to those who haven't seen them, please pray with me for them...

These pictures come from a long chain of fowarded emails that I received from one of my friends. Most of the time I never really care because they are either funny jokes, comic stripes or pictures taken that you read once and you can delete them. Yet somehow I am touched by these picture showing the soldiers in the third world countries fighting for war. Maybe because recently our national day had just been over and our church have this 24-hr chain of prayer for our own nation Singapore. All of a sudden I have that patriotic feeling toward Singapore even though I don't born here. I feel proud to be here.

Thank God Singapore is one unique country consisting of numerous different racial and religious groups. Yet there is no war and everyone is able to live in peace and harmony. My mum always says Singaporeans are very well 'tamed' -- they are friendly, easily opened up to welcome others and most will obey the laws set by the government. Not many countries can do that. You can really enjoy the peace and security feeling that you can get while staying here. Thank God for bringing me to Singapore, growing up here and making this country such a wonderful place to live in...

But we should never forget about those in the other countries who will need our help and prayers too. Sometimes in our everyday lives we tend to forget what is going on elsewhere in the world and that the brave men and women of the service are just like you and me. They have families and friends back home who love them very much and are praying for their safe return...

So I hope all the christians who read this entry of mine, maybe when you finished reading it, just stop for a moment and say a prayer for the people in Afghanistan, Kuwait, Iraq, and all around the world...He will be there listening to all of us...

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

Bye Matthew! See you next semester... :)

Another friend of mine left Singapore to the States. But he will be coming back next year January for he is only going there on an exchange programme for one year. I wonder how it feels to be studying abroad...sadly I don't have such chances...so anyone who has the opportunity to have what I dream of remember to treasure and make full use of it ya? :)

Matthew: my fellow Ingenia mates and my SP during my hall freshmen orientation camp. A fun, loud and great guy to hang out with. You will never be bored with such a person in your group. He is really a great joy to have...Ingenia Rulez! :D haha...hope he will be fine over at Miami (happening place with the beach, NBA Miami Heats...and CSI??) May God take care of this friend of mine and guide him through his studies there...God bless you Matt!

Nothing much to do today...will make use of the time to tidy up my cozy little corner again. And when I am done, I will show you all how proud I am of it ya? So stay tune! Haha... :P

"As we go on,
we remember
all the times
we had together.

And as our life change,
come whatever,
we will still be
friends forever..." - Lyrics from the song "Graduation" by Vitamin C

God works in ways you least expected them...

Today's events: Have lunch with my friend and go to the strategic management lecture together; at night go for prayer meeting.

Sometimes, God will speak to people in many different ways. I was surprised by my friend's question today. He was a Buddist and so I thought I will never talk to him about the topic on Christianity. But God really spoke to him and me to tell him more. I was really surprised when he told me he is considering of converting into Christianity. He gave me his reasons that he realise that Christianity teaches a person to become a better person and to lead a life that is meaningful and great to the others. He told me there are many religions in this world in which they will have their own individual teachings, but yet he saw how Christians' way of living that really applies to the way he would want his life to live and to learn. And after all that he told me, I thought: "Wow...God you really spoke to this person." Maybe all he needs now is to go for a church service to feel His presence...you got to trust God in His plan for us. He will touch your hearts in ways you least expected it. I guess all I can do now is to invite him to my church and continue to pray for his salvation from now on: "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence." (Jeremiah 17:7)

Haha...I feel so blessed that God had given me many friends to reach out to without myself asking for them. Suddenly I feel so happy to have something to work on...like a goal for me. And certainly I know I can always rely on people around me for help. I know I will definitely have to thank Weng (above right bottom) for helping me to bring my friend Yanning to church in the morning and to keep encouraging me along the way when I was discouraged. Haha...really thanks for your care for me and my friend...I am so glad to have a brother like you! :)

After dinner with my hall friends (above left top) at the coffee shop near city harvest, I went for my prayer meeting at the Jurong West hall. This is my FIRST TIME at the prayer meeting at there. The place is beautiful and everything is great. It is like a smaller version of the Expo hall, except with a carpeted floor and cushioned chairs...probably even greater than my school lecture theatres! :P I have a great time of praise and worhip (really wanted so much to jump in joy but yet I was too full to do so...sad...) and a time of prayer for Singapore (did that in the morning too during my time slot...haha...).

We went for supper after the event and had a great time of fellowship. Christabelle (above right middle) stays with me in NTU so we took a walk back together. Actually, I never had the chance to talk so much to Belle because she was always busy or occupied by Lynn or Joanne (haha...). We really took our time to walk though: She companied me back hall to wait for me to put down my stuffs, then I companied back to her hall to put down her bicycle, and then she walked me back to my hall and we sat at a bench and chat. I really enjoy such one-on-one talk with someone like her.

I think I am just a person that can only talk to people freely when I am alone with that person. Even in a group of 3, you don't expect me to talk much. Never worry that you two have left me out. For I am fine with people talking, just that I can't speak well in a group. I don't know why too. You can expect me to listen to you...but when it comes to giving advices, don't expect me to be of much help coz I don't know how to talk. Not that I don't understand what people means at times, it is more of me not knowing how to express what I am thinking. Everything that I want to say out will be mixed up in my mind like puzzle pieces...if I were to speak what I think, I think whoever is listening to me will have to pieced up those puzzles into a picture. And certainly most of the time, people won't understand those pieces of stuffs that I am talking about. So I guess writing down is simply the best method you can get me talking clearly what I am thinking. Isn't that the reason most people would like to blog or wrote a diary to voice out what they really have in their minds? Bet whoever is reading this is one of them... :P

Haha...so yes...I will suddenly become super quiet when you put me in a group. Yet, when only there is the two of us, you can see me talking non-stop if you put me in a right topic that I can link to. I know people always mistaken me as someone being cold. Seriously, this is just my face and my appearance. If you can talk to me, I won't turn away. I listen more than I talk. You probably need some time to get to know me before you can talk to me because I don't talk well in front of people I don't know well. I guess I only cracked up with my hall friends only like one year after knowing them? :p My most bubbly character has probably been seen by my best friend Ying Wah only, for I will act like a kid who is too happy to see my best friend around...so ya that's a little thing you need to know about me too...haha... :) So thank God for giving me those friends who I can share my problems to (Ying Wah, Weng, Belle, Brian, Sis Jaz...)...Thank God I found you guys!

"Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God will come to know God because they know you...Amen!"

8 years of shooting ends here...

This entry will be a dedication to my 8 years of shooting.

I recalled the first time I stepped into the air rifle range back in Dunman High School. There is a strong stench and stuffy air that can choked you. Yet I looked around me at those sec 1 like me who came here for trials to enter to the famous air rifle club. It was popular among us as it is a brand new sport to us and DHS Air Rifle Club was doing very well for the national schools competitions over the past years.

I remembered the first time I hold that 0.22 air rifle in hand...so heavy! The person assisting me had to give his support while I aimed for my best shot. I fired. The target paper remained untouched. I was really upset that day and refused to walk out of the range, knowing I would not have another chance at it if I were to leave. Mr Gan, our teacher in charge, saw my persistence to stay and he decided to let me have another go for it. Still no miracles happened for me.

I was willing to leave this time but my friend, Chew Wee Ling, who accompanied me back then refused to go off and wanted to play another round. Again, Mr Gan was happied that we were so enthusiatic about shooting and let us 'play' one more round. This time, I realised I never notice there is another foresight at the tip of the rifle and I used it to aim for my shots again as told by my assistant. We had 3 shots for each round. Miracles happened for me. My 3 shots all went into one big hole! This means my groupings were almost perfect! The seniors around me couldn't believe their eyes. But I was still puzzled as to what was going on when they looked so surprised. It was at that moment Mr Gan seriously asked me to try again. And the next round I shot even better than the last, making a smaller hole on the target paper. Immediately, he asked if I was really interested to join their small family.

But I realised I can't because I already placed Chinese Orchestra as my first choice for my CCA. I didn't know I need to place air rifle as my first choice too before I even go for their try-outs. Thank God my first choice was Chinese Orchestra and not any other CCA. Mr Gan was a good friend with Mr Tay, the teacher in charge of CO. He told me there would not be any problem to transfer me to their shooting team. I was elated.

That was how my life as a shooter started. We started off with the proning position, using the 0.22 rifles. Our teams always come in the first for the east zone competitions and the first 4 in ranking for the national schools competitions. I had won sever individual awards for the east zone rounds too, even make it twice as the east zone female individual champion. It was a dream come true. It was also in air rifle that I met Ceying, my first boyfriend, who is also my air rifle senior back then. Our relationship started during our one of our air rifle training camp. We kept it rather discretely and no one realised it until a few months later. This relationship ended two years later.

Then in VJC, all the competitions are in standing position as the proning position had been scrapped off. We had to adapt to the new changes and the transition was not too easy. Thank God I believe He really gives me the talent in shooting and I caught up very quickly. I shot well enough for the team during my year one. But year two onwards, due to all my work committment, I didn't train well and performed badly. Fortunately, our team still make it to the finals and bring back a forth placing for the female rifle team.

NTU air rifle team was another new culture for me. When I was in DHS and VJC, whenever there were competitions coming up, we would have to stay back everyday after our lessons to train for every competition. In university, we could not afford such training time and we only practice twice a week. I had to admit I join the team mainly for their points as the shooter points are quite attractive and there was still point system then in which I really need those points to stay in my single room. But the passion for it soon died out as my work load increases and my performances decreases.

Only for the last competition, the NTU Inivitational shoot during last Feb that I finally gained back my passion for shooting. I trained hard for that competition, wanting to prove to myself that my efforts can be paid off. Yet the result was under my expectations. I was really upset and wanted to train more and improve. When they asked me if I were to continue shooting for my final year, I immediately said 'yes'.

But time never allow me to do so. I realised there are really many things waiting for me to get my hands on them. I have to make my decision. Since I already vowed to God that I will focus on my studies and my walk with Him, I had to let go of my shooting passion. I know I can't cope with so many things at the same time.

So many times I told myself and others that I was bored by the training. After all, I had been doing the same thing again and again for the past 8 years. Yet the moment I message my training officer that I had to quit the team, I cried. I guessed I will miss this sport a lot. I know the only time I get to shoot will be the days I had when I am still studying. Once I graduated and enter the workforce, I would not have the chance and the luxury to do so. My passion for the past 8 years will have to end here...today...

One thing I learnt after all these 8 years was that shooting actually trains a person in many non-physical ways. It is a sport that the emphasis is not on your physical fitness level. It is a sport that requires much of your mental strength. A sharp shooter must be a person who is perfectly calmed and able to handle stress. Imagine yourself standing alone in front of a large crowd whose eyes were all focused on you. How do you feel? Don't you feel your heartbeat increases and you tends to perspire more?

Shooting trains a person's flexibility on handling a situation where you may feel stressful. It trains you to stay calm always and be able to have a wider vision of what's going on and look for the right solution to it. Shooting also asks for your patience. You need to wait for the perfect timing to pull your trigger. It helps you to have trust and confidence in yourself. You should never be afraid to pull that trigger when your instinct tells you it is the right time. Even a second of your hestitation can cause a huge difference.

All that shooting left for me now is the happy memories the winning and training together with my teammates, the numerous trophies and medals that I owned, the shoe and the glove that I bought, the skill that I have acquired over the years, and the ability to remain calm when I am faced with an unknown situation. I will miss everything about it. Wish I have made the right decision then and to excel in the thing that I sacrifice my shooting for. I know and I will work hard for what I vowed to do...coz I believe in Your plan for me... :)

"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." - Proverbs 16:3

Mood swings really fast...

Today is my 'heaviest' day with 2 lessons to go...4 hours straight down from 1230hr to 1630hr. Somehow I still have the same old habits of me trying to laze on my comfortable bed. But it didn't last long and I managed to climb out of it and head for my class straight. I had my risk management class that taught us to identify about the potential events that may affect Tricon (company that owns KFC and Pizza Hut and many others) globally. I think I really got to read up my newspaper again because I realised I seemed to be a little bit outdated now. And many issues got to deal with the US companies too as I believe they had quite a different culture and practices apart from us.

The next lesson is on strategic planning...and this is my first time having a foreign tutor! He was quite a funny guy with his cute ascent (think he comes from the European countries). Our first lesson is really interesting as there is no lectures, tutorials to do. All he gave us was a pack of poker cards and he asked us to build the tallest castle that we can do with this cards. Crazy ideas come out of my mind but eventually I realised they don't meet his criterias. With a bit of quick thinking of teamwork, my group came up with a great backup plan and eventually we managed to build the tallest castle among the others. Haha...thanks that we are the last team to perform as well...I believe for this the last mover has more advantages over the rest... :P

Today I wanted to buy my textbook but realised I don't have much money left. I am really super poor now...left with probably a hundred bucks to last me over the rest of August. Usually I would spend all the money to myself, on clothes and food and many other stuffs. This time I realised I didn't. This month I had 3 friends leaving Singapore (blessed one of them) and 2 friends birthdays. Spend lots on them and I am really happy to do so (even skip meals to save up)...just hope that the gifts will be appreciated by them...haha...Maybe it's really time I had to learn how to survive...and pray that miracles will happen!

You know sometimes the only thing that can make me sad is that you are being misunderstood. Funny thing is that when your intention is good, people will tend to be suspicious and take yours with a guarded heart. I believe this is probably a norm in the society these days. Worse is that the person never appreciate what you do. This is the time people will give up on the other person and move on. But is it good to do that? I don't know. You can choose to ignore that person; you can choose to forgive and forget; or you can choose to negotiate with the person directly (if you are brave enough), regardless the relationship will be improved or getting worse. I guess I will choose to forgive and forget, probably because I am not brave enough to tell the person directly. But I know it is better to communicate than to keep it to yourself, for you will know what's wrong and face it and to change it. I just wonder when I would have that courage to do so now.

Somehow I feel so weak at times, like back to myself in my own world. Maybe because this month is always a sad month for me. Haven't been having any great August these years...maybe I am getting moody again...maybe I am just sad that time is really flying so fast now...maybe I think I know my reason but yet I can't help to feel sad...maybe I just having another rounds of depression again (having been eating much again)...sigh...what's wrong with me God? I really want to know what's wrong...again...

"Save me from this place...I don't want to lose that smile again..."

Love cures people -- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it...

Yeah! Sunday is finally here! Haha...my favourite day of the week...lol

But today started off slightly different than the other Sundays: I went to the Changi Airport at around 9am to send Manling off. Actually I don't really know her much other than Brian's little sister. Only get to know her more as she came for a few of our church service and our cell group meetings. She is a very nice girl to talk to and easily get along well. That time she won a GV voucher and she passed it to me since she won't have the time to go to watch movies. Haha..really blessed by her and to reciprocate it, I also blessed her with a small farewell gift...hope she'll like it! :) I pray to you Lord to guide her through her studies in US and that she will continue to walk with you closely. Farewell my friend...

Today's service was on marriage again. This time, the lesson is on the roles and responsibilities of the husbands. It says that the husbands should lead their wives as a protector, a provider, a physician, a general, a prophet, a priest, a king, a saviour and a lover. I would agree with what the pastor says...don't you think so? :P Indeed, women would want the men to lead them, to have that security of being protected by them. Haha...even if I can be a superwoman one day, able to handle both the work in the office and at home, I would still regard the decision of the my husband to be the decision for the family. Haha...wives should really submit to their husbands...haha...I think I have not much of any disagreement over the message today anyway...lesson absorbed! :p

I always enjoy this marriage session because at the end of it, the atmosphere is pretty loving. Pastor Kong often asked the couples to hug their spouse or give them a kiss or say something sweet. This is really loving, romantic and touching. Haha...love is in the air! Moreover, there is a baby dedication before the talk started (Pastor Kong will press his hand over the babies' head and blessed them in Jesus's name). The atmosphere is really filled with God's love over each and everyone's family! This is just like the movie "Love Actually" where everywhere and everyone is in love...YEAH! :P

After service, we went to have lunch at the Changi Airport, have great fellowship over there as we chatted till 4pm before we took an hour of bus ride to Orchard. Great fellowship we had gotten there! Haha...but still I enjoyed the time when we played pool the most...really missed playing it over the weeks... :P Bro Chris is really an excellent pool player. Haha...Weng was so happied that he managed to beat him in the second game!

We went to have our dinner (probably can be considered as supper as well) nearby...on Brian's treat! He wanted to bless us before he leaves in 10 days' time. He will certainly be a friend I will miss the most *sob*... Sigh...and soon Jianhu will leave too...the usual pool people will probably only left me, Katherine and Weng then...life still goes on...sigh... So I guess I will treasure everytime I had with them now...be it just a few minutes or even a few seconds...

Tomorrow will be Monday, another rounds of lectures, seminars and tutorials for the week. Somehow, I feel super abnormal now because I kinda looked forward to it! This is so NOT ME! Oh gosh...something is wrong somewhere! Haha...or maybe it will be somehow a good sign that the lazy Christine is finally getting herself into the piles of notes and tutorials again...haha... :P

"Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love isn't love till you give it away." - Oscar Hammerstein II

A day of relaxation... :)

Finally I have a full day to spend it in hall...really a day of relaxation...

Tell you a little secret of me, that is I am a person who loves to sleep! :P The longest I ever slept before is like 15 hours? Haha...today I slept til about 1pm...actually waking up at several intervals (9am, 11am...) to surf for a while online, sms my friends and pick up my friend's call. I finally got to wake up at 1pm because my hall friends asked me out to have lunch. Thank you Vincent for waking me up...or else my day is really gone to have fun with Zhou Gong (an old man that used to appear in your dreams...haha...)

After lunch, I rested for a while in my cosy little corner, trying to clear up the mess that can take forever to clear up. Then Joseph, the mahjong addict (very smart and funny guy too...) invited me over for a game of mahjong. It was such a long time since I played the game...wonder if my skill has already degraded somehow. They often named me the 'Queen of Mahjong' as I still holds the title of winning the most amount of money at one game in hall. Haha...well, I certainly would not be proud of this title. Not that I don't like to play mahjong, it just sounds like I like to gamble. Seriously, I like the game of mahjong for it requires you to think as you play. I really like intellectual games. So even if I had to lose all my money, I guess I will still feel great to play it...haha... :P

Actually I really want to go to watch the fireworks again tonight but no one seems to be available to accompany me to watch. I guess Saturday nights are mainly reserved for family dinners. I think I will just keep myself occupied for the night by watching the service online. Anyone if you are interested to watch my church service online you can log onto the website: http://www.chc.org.sg for a live service. They are available on Saturday 5pm and Sunday 10am. This will be the first time I will be watching my church service online...wonder if it feels as great as being there. Tonight's message will be on marriage...something good for the couples, better preparation for the engaged ones, and a better insight for the singles...look forward to it! :)

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done." - Psalm 105:1

A time with God's words, a time with my sisters, and a time @ Zouk...

As you can see from my title, I had a busy yet happy day today! :)

First, I woke up to stone for like 15 minutes before my day starts. Well, I know this is a bad habit...yet don't you feel happy at times when you actually have the time just to sit at one place and do nothing about it? Maybe this is a way to de-stress for people in the busy society these days...haha...or simply named it 'Christine's way of relaxation'?!

From hall, I proceed to Raffles Place TCC where I had my bible study with Shuhui. This is the second time we had our lesson at TCC and I guess it's time for us to look for somewhere new. The reason being: the food, drink and the sofa are so great at TCC that we can go bankrupt if we continue to have our session there! Oh gosh...I really cannot afford such lifestyle nowadays! :P

Today, we learn about the 9 gifts from God and the 9 fruits that we have to work for. Gifts from God are like presents under the Christmas tree which we naturally received them. All we need to do now is to discover these gifts that we have from Him and bless the people around us! Never doubt yourself that you do not have any gifts from God because He is impartial and He loves every single one of us. So never doubt about yourself being incomplete and not worthy of His love! :)

As for the fruits, we will need to put in time and labour to harvest them. These 9 fruits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. I know all along I have been lacking of the fruit of self-control as I am a person who can be easily tempted. Till now, I am still working hard for it. Yet, sometimes I am quite happy that I feel I have most of the fruits now ever since I come back to church to praise and worship Him. If you know me last time, I am a person who is short-tempered. Somehow, I start to learn how to cope with situations that may anger me these days. Sometimes, you just need to know when to give in to people to avoid conflicts. So pretty happy that I am able to sit down to listen to people without feeling any frustration or impatience at all...haha...

After my bible study, I rushed down to City Hall to meet my 'long lost' sisters: Huilin, Caiying and Yanning. The four of us used to be so close last time that we often share our own stories of our lives whenever we met. But life gets so busy nowadays that we hardly see each other and I would say we no longer feel as close anymore...kinda sad about it though. That's also the period of time when the four of us backslided too. Huilin says I am always the stronger one among them. She's glad to see that I am strong in Him again. Yes...now that I've come back to Him, I guess I wish I can bring my sisters back to Him too and all of us can rejoice in Him again...maybe this will be my goal for the time being... :)

We celebrated Huilin's birthday at Changing Appetite. Oh this will be a restaurant I would recommend to go to as its food is great and the price is reasonable. Great drinks they have there! After dinner, we went to Esplanade to wait to watch the fireworks. This is a festival that is held every year around the National Day period where fireworks will be displayed every night as a part of the National Day Celebration. This year, the festival is held over 4 days and each day is organised by different countries. The fireworks are really spectacular, especially some of them actually explode right on the surface of the water...very unique way of lighting the fireworks and the show is very beautiful indeed. Guys, if you have girlfriends, you definitely should bring them to watch the fireworks as it would be so romantic and they will be crazy for you; Girls, if you have boyfriends, you really should drag them to watch and enjoy a romantic starry night for the two of you. Haha...

Unfortunately I cannot stay too long with my sisters as I am having my hall bash at Zouk later. So immediately when the fireworks have ended (the show takes about 15 minutes), I hitched a cab down to Zouk. Well, getting a cab at Esplanade tonight was definitely a mistake as the traffic was super jammed. I had to take a bus down to Dhouby Ghaut and called a cab there. With some misunderstanding and miscommunications, I had a little problem of getting into the club. Luckily, Alvin is around to help me. All thanks to Alvin for his kindness for allowing me to go in. I feel I am such a trouble for him and really wonder why I had agreed to come in the first place.

Seriously, if it is not for my friends, I wouldn't want to go clubbing at all nowadays. It's probably I am getting old or I lose interest in these kind of stuffs, I find clubbing is a waste of time and money. One, you don't really get to sit down as there are very LIMITED seats around. Two, it is super noisy and you can't possibly shout into your friend's ears every time you speak. Three, the entry tickets are expensive and you can only treat yourself to one or two glasses of drinks from a limited range (otherwise you need to pay extra for the drinks). And at the end of the day, you will feel yourself smell like a chimney (maybe Santa Claus would smell much better than you...). I didn't drink much alcohol as I found myself as quite a lousy drinker nowadays, more of trying to get myself off the alcohol session as I believe they are bad for the souls. You must always remember the more you drink, the more sober you will get...

We didn't stay long (only went to Phuture to dance for 5 minutes) and we left the place and headed back to Ah Fang (a coffeshope near NTU that sells prata overnight) to have our supper. But the prata today is quite disappointing, not the usual standard that I would have expected from them. Soon after the supper, we were all quite tired and headed back to our own rooms to have our rests.

And that marks the end of my eventful Friday...God bless to everyone! :P

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

A night in God's love...

Thursday night is always reserved for the fellowship with my cell group members. As usual, we hanged around catching up with one another about their events for the week. But today we are celebrating Christabelle's birthday. Brian and Daphne gathered our cards that we had prepared for her and compiled it in a small little booklet...how lovely! :)

The message for today's cell group was on "Prayers' desire of Jesus", which mainly about God's love and how God's response, Jesus's response and our response to this great love. The word "love" in Hebrew is agape, which means unconditional love. God's love is always complete and impartial. When you feel God's love fully, there will no longer be hatre and bitterness in your heart. You can always find peace and happiness through His great love.

I love tonight's meeting as we sang a Chinese song during praise and worship. It was a song that I used to sing back in All Saint Church. Somehow I couldn't help to think back times that I had back in my old church...kinda miss all my friends and the leaders who had helped me along the way. Yet I love where I am now, and I know there's no way of turning back because I know this is a better place for my spiritual growth. I have never felt so strong for my religion for over the past 20 years of my life and with such great passion as well. Praise to the Lord!

At the end of the cell group, we sang the birthday song for Belle and gave her a bag as present...just nice for her school! How thoughtful of Shuhui and Daph to give such wonderful ideas! Sometimes I really thank God for allowing me to know this bunch of people in E240. I have only arrived here like 3 months ago but I feel like I have known them for quite some time. You will never feel alone with all these people around you...love them! :p

Below is the lyrics for the song "When You Say Nothing At All" by Ronan Keating. I don't know why but the song just struck in my head when Sis Jaz told us that tonight's message is all about God's love. Maybe it hits me on God's love that have shown on me, my friends and His love through my friends who are around me.

I guess sometimes you will meet people whom you can clique on so well with that you can talk about anything and everything. But after some time, the friendship seems to fade away because you two will appear to have known each other so well that there is nothing else to share with. You know sometimes I do feel this way with my closest friends too. But then, do you feel that when you are with your best friend, even just sitting side by side without talking, you feel so relax and happy? If you have ever met someone whom know how you feel and what you are thinking of even before you say anything, you will understand what this song is all about. Thank God for these wonderful friends! :)


When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating

It's amazing
How you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word
You can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

The smile on your face
Let me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
Try as they may
They can never define
What's been said
Between your heart and mine

The smile on your face
Let me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say nothing at all

Rejected but I am still happy... :)

I cannot sleep again...why? You know sometimes you just don't understand why you can't sleep at all...and you don't even feel any tireness the next day. But yet you know there is something wrong deep inside you that you need to clear your doubts too?

So this morning I headed on to find out the reason why and I come across my friend's blog. There it was standing in front of me the answer. I know it is none of my business, I know he will hate me to care about his business. Despite knowing all these and his character well enough, I pray to God before I made my call for concern for him. As usual, same cold reply from the other end of the phone. But this time I don't feel as hurt as before...I know he would prefer people to care for him 'discretely'...yet I choose it my own way. Well, I guess my frankness don't come in great timings because if I sense something wrong in my friends, I would bluntly ask the person if he or she is all right without thinking if they will feel irritated by me. Yes...that's me and my bluntness...haha... :P

Sometimes when your kindness is being rejected by the others, disappointments and depression will soon follow. But I read the same old bible verse I had on my first entry: "In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." I think this verse really comes in handy for me whenever I feel angry or disappointed nowadays. It feels good when you finally find your answer to what you are feeling deep inside you and knowing what you should do about it.

Actually, this is not the first time I feel disappointed by my friends for this week. In fact, I was pretty upset on Sunday as well when two of my friends stood me up. I was quite discouraged all along and that incident just sort of put me towards the edge. But yet God's words keep ringing in my head that I must be strong and have faith in Him and in myself too. If I were to give up, who will be there to care for my friends? Of course, I don't mean they don't have anyone else to care for them! What I mean is that it will just turn me away from this person and probably it will create another stranger in my life. What's the good of it??

Yes there is always a tendency when people mistreat you and you want to treat them back the same way. But never let the devil have a foothold in you! Does God ever reject us when we reject his kindness and his care and concern for us? He never give up and he never stop caring for us...

Human beings are smart and emotional beautiful creatures on this earth. We are clever enough to understand the meaning of 'care' and 'concern' by the others. Even if we don't show it the way, somehow or somewhere in the person's heart, your 'care' and 'concern' will be deliverded. It doesn't matter how they react to it...but by trying to do so, you have actually help in one way to make this world a better place to live in.

"I love all my friends and I thank God for them. Take care and God bless you all!"

The BEST National Day Celebration I have ever had...Happy 41st Birthday Singapore!

National Day is not a day I would look forward to since last year. In fact, I wish this day never happened. But one year later, this is the day where I had a great time of fellowship with my friends...all thank to God and all my friends who make this day happen... :)

The day started off with a singing fiesta at K-ster at Lucky Chinatown. As usual, the session started off slowly and everyone picking their own songs and sing with their best voice. But when the atmosphere starts to warm up and our moods get high, we sang with enthusiams, probably even sounds like we are shouting into the microphones rather than singing! We also discovered a few potential superstars among us: Brian and Yehui. Towards the end of our short 4 hours of singing session, we dedicated a song (Wu Qi Long's "Zhu Ni Yi Lu Shun Feng") to Brian who will be heading to US to persue his studies in 2 weeks' time. The song is basically sung about the wishes that we had for him and to wish him a pleasant journey. Maybe it's because Brian is a close friend of mine, or simply the lyrics of the song is touching, I almost teared as I sang the song...guess I am a cry baby ya?

Most of us went back home or had already made plans for the night. So that's left me, Joanne, Brian and Chris who are still free and available for the night. We decided to treat ourselves to a steamboat dinner at Marina South where we can enjoy the view of the fireworks at the national day parade as well. Sadly, the place we sat was blocked and we never get to see it. Chris's friend, Sky, joined us soon after. He appears to have a lot of things to share with Chris and they quickly fell into deep conversation. That leaves the 3 of us happily cooking, eating our great achievement of wonderfully cooked food, and chatting away about anything. After dinner, we took a walk back to the MRT station and we continue to talk about issues on our friends, our church, our studies and everything that come across our minds. We are so engrossed in our conversation that we almost get lost on way back! We certainly had a great fellowship and I really wish the night can just last a little bit longer...thank you for this wonderful day...love you guys! :P

"I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I am surrounded by angels, and I call them my friends."

My music and my lake house...

Sometimes I think I am not a cultured person at all. I know nothing about drama and playing music. Yet nowadays I have a craving to learn to any kind of musical instrument so I know what I do at times when I feel down or bored. Actually, at first I never thought of playing guitar. The first instrument that I wanted to learn is drum. I find it really cool to hit it with such a great rythme. If you have watched the performance made by the strikeforce (one of my church ministry), you will know what I mean. But drum is not practical as you need to maintain it and not easy to practice as well. One set of drums can be quite costly and the noise it produce may invite complaints from your neighbours.

And then I thought of playing piano as I have learned in the past and know how to read the notes and play the key. But piano notes are not easy to look for and it is pretty tough to play and practice when the notes get complicated. Besides, you can only practice it at home and play it to yourself.

So I choose to play guitar. Guitar chords are easily obtainable online and the music are mainly those that are popular and those I normally like to listen to (pop, rock, classic). You will play better when you know the song well yourself. Guitars are more affordable and portable and so I can play at anywhere at my own leisure time. Guitar is also great for group gathering where you can play and your friends can sing along. This certainly helps to bond each other...a way to socialise with your friends without much talking ya?

Today I had my first and probably the one and only lesson with Chongyu (above) on playing guitar. Thank God Chongyu is a patient and great teacher, for bearing with me for all the wrong tunes and mistakes I had made. We both went to choose my guitar at a shop at the Paradiz Centre. The shop owner was very nice to us and gave me lots of discounts. I guess I have made quite a good bargain. Thank you Uncle! :p

Together with Huiling, we went to SMU benches and start strumming and pressing the strings. It was not easy for me at first as my hands are quite robotic and stiff. But as time goes and after much practices, I finally catch the skill and improve so much more than before. At least I earn some praises for my strumming! Chongyu also show off his skill by playing a few of the songs...it is really enjoying in this way, the three of us sitting together in a small circle and drowning in our own world of music...haha...

After the guitar lesson, we join our friends to watch the Lake House. It certainly worth every single penny you spent on your movie ticket for it! (Though mine is a blessing from Manling who won her GV voucher and gave it to me... :P) A love story that tells about two persons, two years apart, to fall in love with each other simply through their communication by mails. I wonder if I can ever write like them too. The movie really moves your tears even though you can expect what is coming next. It is just a simple classic romantic love movie. But yet it makes you want to be like the stars inside too.

It really makes me wonder if I have the faith and the courage to go into another relationship like them...and I know when I can, I will love the person with all that I can so he will the happiest person on earth. The book "Persuasion" by Jane Austin was mentioned in the movie and I wonder if love is really worth waiting for. I had thought myself of waiting for someone I truly love, even knowing I am no longer in his heart. Yet I choose to give up now, not because you no longer love that person, but simply you love him too much. I remeber the lyrics from Jay Chou's song "An Jing (Quiet)" where the last part of the song interprets as "I choose to give you up because I love you so much". Sometimes you just want to make sure the person you love and the person who loves him is much better than you so you know someone great is taking care of him. Sometimes you just want to know that his life is much happier than yours. A bit stupid way of thinking, isn't it?

But probably different people have different values on their relationships...I only know now is not the right time for me to think about all these stuffs and that I believe what God has planned for me for His vision is much greater than mine. So until that time when I met the person He has prepared for me, I will focus on my own studies, my walk with Him, my knitting, sketching and my guitar...

"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

One lesson and 2 songs for dedication...

I just had my first lesson for this 2nd last semester of me studying in NTU today -- AA205 on risk managment. Nothing special about a lesson (I bet if I start saying what I learn people will start falling asleep by the end of this blog...hee...) except that we had a little test on individual risk management and I am categorised as the "moderate to agressive" risk-taker. That means I have a potential to become a entrepreneur because I am not afraid to take higher risk yet not too agressive on that. Hahaha...does anyone understand what I mean? :P

Life goes back as usual in hall, probably only lots of things to clear up in my cozy little corner and get ready to take in the new stacks of textbooks and lecture notes. But this time I feel different. This semester I feel happy about the things I do, about my work, my studies and everything. I no longer feel bored as I return to my single room. I no longer feel frustrated easily as things turn bad or that I feel super lonely. Is there a change in me over the past 3 months of school holiday? Coz suddenly I don't feel like myself at all and this is really scaring my own self out...I used to be so slack that I can't even be bothered my work and things often go hay-wire. I was a mess myself.

But somehow I like this new "me" who are so much at peace and happy with my own life. I don't lead my own life now...He is the one leading me from above as his vision is much more futher and deeper than mine. I love you so much Lord...for giving me a new birth. And thank you Chongyu for bringing me back to Him that I had kept myself away for the past 5 years...

So here I have two songs that I want to share with, "My answer is you" by Brian Littrell and "Hiding Place" by Don Moen...two songs that can much express myself now: one who no longer wander around in fear and depression but to know the direction to head on, where the destiny is whatever everyone will desire:

My answer is you by Brian Littrell

There's a world of difference when faith is in a heart
It stands out like sunlight
Life becomes so dark
And when those around me ask me why I dare to dream
Or why I love or why I sing

My answer is You
My answer is You
You're the hope that my heart is holding on to
Skeptics won't understand
It's strange from the world's point of view
My answer is You

They might find it incredible to believe what I can't see
They might think it's foolish
Or even say it's weak
I want to live my life so differently because of faith
If it causes them to question, for me to say
You're the reason I'm alive
For every good thing in my life

My answer is You
My answer is You
You're the hope that my heart is holding on to
Skeptics won't understand
It's strange from the world's point of view
But my answer is plain and it's simple, Lord
My answer is You


Hiding Place by Don Moen

You are my hiding place
I run to You
I need Your mercy and grace
To see me through
So I'll run to You

You are my strength O God
You will uphold me
You are my shield O God
You will protect me
I'll run to You
I'll run to You
I'll run to You
I'll run to You...

A fruitful Sunday...

Yesterday was the best ever: Our church 17th Anniversary in the morning and Festival of Praise at night. The crowd filled the whole of indoor stadium...really rock it! :) This is my FIRST TIME attending both events...really surprise at how many people we actually have in City Harvest Church. We have Christian City Church and Don Moen to lead us in the praise and worship session. My friends keep telling me how great the band was last year as they have Hillsong and Delirious, two famous and popular Christian bands. But then to me, Don Moen's songs are pretty good enough since I miss the chance to experience the 'better' one last year...hahaha...and to show my support, I immediately purchase his album at the end of FOP! (So anyone who wants to listen to his songs feel free to borrow from me...)

One thing that truly touched me at the service is the testimony that one family give, Mr Lee Kian Hiong and his family. It is their children who brought their father to church and eventually he is converted to christianity. The wife followed soon after. How amazing God has answered her and touched her: She worship other idols before and on the first service that she attended to, the service's message was on the first commandment--"You shall have no other Gods before me." It is such a loving family who grow strongly in the Lord together. This is like my dream family that I wish I could have in my future. How beautiful and wonderful it is....

Another event that leave an impact on me is the close bonding that CHC has. CHC is such a big church that have over 22,000 members now and it is continously growing. Yet even people may not know each other, they are opened to know any other cell group members and that they are really nice and kind to anyone. Even so often we always have to rush inside the halls to reserve seats for our members, you never see any fights over them. Like if there are no seats at all, you can ask those who already reserve one whole row of seat that they probably no need all of them and they will immediately call their members to see how many seats they can give up for you. Never need to worry too much ya? But of course punctuality is still a very important in life.

After singing the birthday song for CHC and all the effects of the balloon falling, they actually prepare a video to thank Pastor Kong Hee for his guidance and leadership. You can see how great this man is and truly a leader who is anointed to lead by God. Sometimes it really makes me wonder what happen if Kong grows old and no longer with us in CHC...will things be the same or he would have raised another great leader among us to lead the church and the members into another level? But then for now I know he will always be here to lead us and I truly enjoy every service that he leads. Sun, his wife, makes a call to the church and she is a really sweet lady. It's just a sweet moment between husband and wife and you can feel the warm that comes from her heart. They are certainly a good example that couples could learn from them and I can't wait for the next session on the lessons on marriage...something I can apply on in my future life!

I really want to praise the Lord for all that He has prepare for us. Last time I have many negative opinions on CHC and that make me stay away from coming here. But sometimes it is really all about timings. I had my timing when I am opened to going over to another church and even to CHC. I can still recall how stiff and stubborn I was at that point of time...refusing to be influence or follow what the others tell me to do. But funny thing is I teared all the way at the end of the first service at CHC, without knowing the reason for all my tears. I believe it is truly the presence of God that touched me in ways I never know of. How wonderful He is that I could feel the change within me now. Not only me, but the person who brought me here, and all the other friends around me who are strong christians and whom I want to be like them, praising God and glorifying Him always.

But even if you are changed person, it is not easily accepted by the others who know you in the past. Challenge comes in this part and so often you want to give up your hope and dream to be the better person you want to be and that God wants you to be like him. Impression is something that is pretty deadly in the reality world if you don't know how to leave a good impression on the others. But remeber God will forgive our sins "seventy times seven"? Can we forgive and forget the other people like God did to us? Maybe only when you truly forgive and forget what bad things the other person did, that's when you can truly accept the changed characteristic of that person and never question about his or her past again.

I often like to look at the message on the greeting cards and one says: " Let bygones be bygones. Let tomorrow be a brand new beginning. Yesterday is gone and there's nothing you can do about it." Never judge a book by its cover? Not complete...because the content of the book is also a history and you need to revise it over the years. That's why they have so many editions for the books...and so we should also believe and accept the newest updated edition of the people around us too...

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him." - Psalms 62:1

Last day of HAVOC 2006...

It's been such a long time since I am finally back hall now...only to prepare for the last and finally important game of the camp: initiation. I often wonder what's the purpose of initiation in the freshmen orientation camp. There are a few reasons that I would doubt the importance and the excitement of it.

Firstly, it has to keep about the same games, 'drinking' toilet water and washing feet water, walking around the campus and the seniors will try to make fun of them from any angle they can get their hands on, tickling the freshies with leaves and branches, sliding down the slope and roll yourself in the mud pool, going through the underground drain and finally the seniors will pour them with pails and pails of water while the OG is trying hard to carry a burning candle up the steps to the common hall.

Secondly I don't find it fun anymore on playing such pranks or jokes on people. In fact, I find it a bit immature now to play such games on anyone. I guess my attachment certainly have put me into a more mature position now.

But all this is just my opinion and I guess the initiation is certainly one game that the HAVOC camp can't do without and that it is a tradition for us to play it year after year. It is a process wehreby the freshies will no longer become a freshman but a junior now.

Sometimes I wonder why I really want to join this camp. Is it for the joy, the experience, or the hall points? Hall points should be out of the question and I have more than enough points to get a room (total of 182.8...probably the highest among the girls here). Experience? Possible as the camps I organised last time nothing like this big scale before. Joy? I don't feel any now as I am pretty tired of everything that I am doing.

It is frustrating at times to see my partner simply go back to her and slack or just join the OG that she is attached to and leave the work to me to take care of. I can understand the excitement and the anticipation that she has over joining in and having fun together with the freshmen. I don't blame her on that. Maybe it really come to times when both of us are tired and things don't go smoothly, conflicts and frustrations will start to evoke. I guess we quarrel at one time over the supper that got problem and I went to apologize to her after that. Lucky we are both understand the situation and holding no grudge over each other. It is pretty important the way you treat people: you will the same treatment from others as the way you treat them. And remember God has always say we should love one another. It is perfectly true: without love, there will only be hatre and the world will certainly become a place of war that no longer fits for anoyone to live in.

But I guess I will somehow miss these days when everything goes back to the normal and life will be just the same again, nothing like a few hours of sleep everyday and you got to run around singapore in your sweaty clothes and shorts. So far the camp has been smooth except for a few problems which are solved eventually.

I thank God above for being here to take care of all the programmes and the good weather that we have over the past week. I also thank the Lord for giving me to courage to finish what I have not finish when I was a freshman: to walk finish my Night Hike (can be put as a fright night where freshmen are to walk through haunted building that is already filled with actors and actresses acting as ghost). Anyone who knows me will know that I have darkness-phobia. Any places that are dark will freak me out. Last time I can't finish my walk because of the same reason. I am not afraid of the 'ghosts' around but the darkness will make my mind goes nuts and I cannot think properly to react to anything else. This time I brave through the corridors of the old Changi Hospital with another freshie guy Samuel. This time is less scary to me partly because I know all the actresses and actors and I remember some of the games as I wrote the minutes for some of the meetings. I didn't scream at all probably because I know what I am expecting when I comes to a blindspot or around a corner. But still the stiff air and the total darkness in certain rooms (the surgery and opertaing room especially) really freaks me out and make my hair stands.

Have anyone watched the new drama serial on channel 5--Ghost Whisper? That is my favourite show now...most of the time I watched it I will cry. I wonder even if there are really ghost on earth, they are probably have unfinished business here or they are simply worried over their loved ones and need someone to enlighten them or console them so they can move on. I believe it applies to anyone, dead or alive. Even as we live in this world, we often have problems in our life that sometimes can't be solved by ourselves alone. That's why we need friends, we need a counsellor in our life to help us and guide us along our way. I can be strong because I have God to be my counsellor and my friend...I also have my best friend Ying Wah (the most wonderful girl ever) to be there for me always...thank God for everything!

"Look to the Lord and his strength; Seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgements he pronounced." - Psalm 105:4-5

Second day of HAVOC 2006

The morning never start as smoothly as I wanted to because I overslept again! By right, I was to wake up at 630am this morning to prepare the milo for the seniors and freshies who are going off to the SICG. I was so tired that I don't even recall when I turn off my alarm clock and thought I never even set the alarm. Sigh... Fortunately not many people are keen about the breakfast and they wanted to have them after the game...so thank God for giving me this extra little time to bring in a good breakfast for the day. =)

Most of the games played today are held in the school campus but out of the hall. Hence most of the time I will be busy carry and looking after the food and the big tumbler for the freshies and seniors. Luckily Sheralyn (the beauty in the middle of my picture), my subcom member, was there to keep me company and we just sit down and chat about all sort of things. She is very happy to hear that I am attending City Harvest Church now and that I am growing strong in Him. We both talk about how great He is and that He is a God that really saves. No matter what things we've gone through, whether it is happy or painful, we believe that God has his purpose for the things to happen and that if we live by our faith in Him, we are guarantee to lead a fruitful and joyful life that will glorify God. You are the greatest Lord!

The afternoon I just followed the OGs around where they had their field games and telematch. They play the drunken sailor and some of them are acting really ridiculous and funny that I couldn't stop myself from laughing. A war game of throwing water bombs at each other eventually erupted at the end of the field games. Several prominent faces like our hall president and his committee members have become the main targets.

One thing I am grateful to God is for my very own OG member and friends till this day in my hall for the past two years. Every year at least for once in the hall camp activities we will take a group photo, thought sadly the number of people inside the photo has shrunk. But it is very heart warming for me to feel the close bond that we still have till this day after two years in hall, being going out for dinner together or simply just hang around and talk rubbish. We also pulled in many others who simply being 'identified' as a part of our Ingenia family. These people are like Li Bing, Terry. Thank God for this great friendship!

"God loves us and would never leave us during our times of trials and sufferings. Remember when we see only one set of footprints in our life, it is not that he is not with us: He carries you."