A big question mark?

Took an MC today as I was not feeling well in the morning. My right eye go swollen again and the doctor told me I got sore eye. Don't really wanna go out for the time being as it doesn't look very great. *sad*

Finally it's weekend again and I feel much better now. The work is suffocating me and certainly our tutors never fail to overload us for this final semester that we are still in NTU. *pout* I am really tired...

We got to snatch for the 3 companies today that we are going to work on for our AA206 project. In the end, my group mates inform me that we got Darco, Asiapharm and Keppel at last. They are not really our first choices (our first choices are Capitaland and SPC)...but I hope we can still do much better with these 3 companies.

Cell group yesterday was not really great as many people are absent. It wasn't a good start for the year but yet I guess it shouldn't last. Thank God for Amanda and Kenneth to be with us again. The message was repeated again from what we had in the service about the common mandate and the common grace we experienced from God through our culture, like how God will choose to speak to us through the media such as movies, music etc.

Sometimes it puzzled me how God wants me to do with my life. I am trying to be a cheerful giver and a cautious listener but yet reality may fail me from time to time. I am trying to learn the things that he has taught me but yet sometimes it just hit me back in such a way that says I have been a fool. I do not wish to give up learning from Him but many times the situation will tempt me to do so. Am I not strong enough in this sense or am I just plain stupid? I really have no idea on this...

Many things in this world do not lie in the way we often wish they were. When things don't go the way they were, I try to ignore that negative effect and continue to make the best out of it. Yet why it has to stripe off that last pride of myself when all I ever intended to do is out of goodwill? Why God wants us to be a blesser, a learner but yet the result has to hit me back telling me that what I did is wrong? I really wonder what does God want from me. I may sound angry here but pardon me I am not angry with God. But I guess I am starting to lose my patience soon as I really want to find out that answer. I am really tired here my Father...did I not follow what you want me to do again?

I really want to rely on you my Father yet would I burden you with my childishness? I am really scare of myself now as I know I am not as brave anymore. I want to be selfish but yet I juz can't. I wish I could hate but why the more I am pushed to that edge the more I want to turn it around? What should I do my Lord? I am juz so confused here. Can I lean on you for a while longer?

I juz watched the show "The Beauty & The Geek" and the show juz has a makeover for all the geeks there. The guys' new look are juz so shockingly different that you really couldn't believe your eyes. Yet what is there is the look but when they play the games they are juz the same old person. I guess you can simply change their appearance with a new shirt and a new hairstyle, but certainly it takes much more to change what is inside that person.

I recall a friend telling me that the world changes us from the ouside but only God changes us from the inside. Even if you put on the best clothes in the world, but you have not take out the slums inside you, you are still a slum with a good cover. And if you have God in you and He has taken that slum out of you, you will look good no matter what because you will learn to put on the best clothes on you from now on and even beautify the place around you.

Like what I learn from the message on common grace earlier that God speaks to us through our culture. I find that there is a link to what I say here. Like we always say "Do not judge a book by its cover" -- what we look for is the content of the book that will make us learn something positive if it is good. If its content is negative, we will only pick up the bad habits of it and eventually show them in our lives.

Jesus has said in the bible that "What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean', but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean'." (Matt 15:11) If we take dirty food, we may have stomachache for a while but it will be fine once we take some medicine. But what speaks through our mouth tells us what is inside us. Juz imagine a gentleman in a smart tuxedo speaking vulgar language...what would you think about this person?

"The veil that covers our eyes can only be lifted by the hands that weave it." I guess we should not be a fool ourselves to be blinded by our ego, our self-centredness and our pride. But to let those things that cover us to be taken out from us and for once, let us see what is really standing before us clearly than to keep ourselves away from them ya?

"What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean', but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean'. ~ Matthew 15:11"