Delirious service + Independence

Delirious came to our service today. They were really great but I was not very enthusiastic about it initially. Maybe some of the songs they led I was not too familiar and the words were not easy to read as they played their MV instead of the normal shots of the audience and the lyrics. Only become more jumpy and enthusiastic later on and to those songs that I am more familiar with. Plus I was pretty worried for Joanne coz I realised there was something wrong with her. Glad to have asked her to find out that she got headache and asked her to go out for a while. Should have accompanied her though but since Shuhui volunteered then let her do the job instead. Felt a bit bad now that I could have just gone along with them...was I too slow to response?

The praise and worship session felt really like a concert to me. It was juz so much different to hear them live than through their CDs that I used to listen. And I saw many people even took their photos with their handphones and cameras. I was tempted to do the same but then I juz felt that I shouldn't coz I came here for God and not juz because of a celebrity band who was here (picture above is of courtesy by Googles). *no offense* It was good enough for me to feel and to capture their picture on the stage in my mind. So sorry guys! :P

The work load for me already piles up on the first week. Lots of readings to do for this final semester. On average, I have about 3 chapters per module (Scott 4,5,8; PHB 1-2, Tan & Lee 1-3), which means I already have about 9 chapters waiting for me to read them now! And that has not even included the FRS that are required (FRS 14, 27, 28 32, 102, 103) and other readings from the tutor to add on...

But somehow I feel better. Maybe it is the beginning and I wanna go ahead and make a good first move. Maybe I am simply an optimistic person. Not really complaining here but juz wanna let myself know what I need to do next. Maybe I am probably juz a way-too-independent person that I seem to be emotionless about it. Ha.

Seriously, I don't like the term "independent", but yet there seems to be nothing better to describe myself here. That word sounds pretty lonely sometimes. I wish there are things to bother me about, like things I can go and consult others on. Yet nothing much I need to know except the knowledge-based stuffs that I want to find out from others. Emotional side I am pretty peaceful most of the time. No crushes, no infatuation, no hatre, no anger. Juz maybe a little of sadness and a little of happiness sometimes. Sounds more like a robot...

Yet I wanna be a good listener, put myself into use to help others in all the ways I can. Yet I feel that I am not a good listener at all. Sometimes I do lose my attention and patience. Sometimes I simply get it off my mind pretty easily as I often do to myself as well. Sometimes I feel something for what they tell me, yet I don't know how to response and that I feel much worse than to simply being there to listen. I am certainly not a good speaker and I realise I even have problems to express what is exactly on my mind at times. I don't know. I am probably not of much use huh?

Second time being asked by Daph regarding who is your close friend in cell. Kinda feel weird coz she keeps asking it these few months and it feels forceful to keep repeating it. I wonder if she is seeking some confirmation somewhere. But yet everyone has an intention somewhere. In any case, I believe she means good. But really, there is nothing much I need to confess to anyone. Not that I don't trust people. Like I said I just have nothing to bother me. And even if I have, trust me it won't last longer than a day or I would have sort out answers on my own. Big troubles are rare and if I have I will definitely tell. Haiz...maybe that's why no one ask me anything too? HA! Juz hope that I won't give answers that are too independent, and if I do, sorry because it is my way of doing things...

Talk to Daryl about Europe yesterday as I cannot sleep again due to overdose of tea at night. Glad that he is thinking of going with me to find Huiling too and see if there can be plans made to travel together with his friends who are coming over as well. :) But the best thing is that I received an email...and it is from Junhui, my long-lost friend in UK! :D Pretty surprised to see her email as I have not contacted her since entering university. Only know that she is studying in Warwick. AND the good thing is that she is currently donig her work attachment at London till end of June, which means I can probably visit her as well...YEAH! :) Thank God for all these arrangements! :D

Planning for the Europe trip is the best thing ever to take my stress off me for a while. But there is nothing solid that I can do for the time being as Europe tours itinerary will only be out in March for those flying in May to June. So far I only know certain things that I must do:

1. Visit Daryl in London.
2. Visit Huiling in Warsaw.
3. Buy watches for my parents in Switzerland and hopefully fix that cuckoo clock my aunt bought for my family from there a few years ago.
4. Buy chocolates from Belgium for my relatives and friends and myself.
5. Eat lots of B&J and hopefully I don't overload the plane. :P

Travelling alone is not that scary because my purpose for this trip is mainly to visit my friends, especially Daryl and Huiling. But yet I am more worried for my parents coz I know they will be super worried for me. Feels bad about it but yet this is my dream and the chance for me to enjoy such a long holiday. After this, sigh, I don't know how long can I ever take a holiday that can last for more than a month? Survival is tough and competitive, but we need to CHOOSE to do what is right for us. And being right for me = being at the best time, best place, with the best people and doing something that brings benefits in our lives.

Thank you God for your guidance in my life. :)

"Feels good to call mummy juz now. Sometimes I shouldn't juz sit here and wait for her call instead right? Hee... :P"